Popping the Big One

Greetings, all you losers who have nothing better to do with your sorry lives than sit around reading other people's brain droppings. This is my first blog. I was naively unaware of the existence of blogs/blogging until a friend of mine gave me the URL to read his. After months of choking down his witty and scathing observations of life, he convinced me to start my own. I hesitated for a long time because I am firm subscriber to the If-You-Don't-Have-Anything-Interesting-To-Contribute-Keep-Your-Goddamn-Piehole-Shut rule of conversation. Yesterday that changed with the bombshell my older brother dropped on me: he's getting married.

Now, the news that one's only sibling, who lived a lonely, dateless existence for so long it has to be measured in geologic time, is finally in love and getting married should be met with jubilation. I wish I could see it that way, but I have several problems with the development: First, they've known each other less than a year, during which time they've communicated almost entirely on-line. This is owing to the second reason, namely, they live in separate states. He's in Ohio, she's in Wisconsin. They've only actually met in person about a dozen times, so their entire relationship has been long-distance. Finally, they are both tied to thier jobs for at least the next year due to financial circumstances. We in the family thought this would help put the brakes on things, since it will be some time before they can even consider co-habitating.

Oh no, my friend. Rather than continuing the LD thing for the next year, then finding a new job (probably her, given the circumstances), move in, and conemplate marraige, Marley (my bro) has decided that it would be advantageous to combine the two wasted years of 1. not living in the same state and 2. not being able to get married because it takes most people a year to plan a wedding these days, and propose now. This way Miss Happy can plan the wedding while they're both suck in separate states, and the minute they're free to move in together they'll be ready to tie the knot. Damn engineers and their obsession with efficiency!

But who am I to judge? Maybe it's one of those perfect matches that happens every now and again where you meet someone and just know that it's right. (My best friend Viola and her hubby Wally had one of those, so I know they exist, albeit rarely.) Perhaps I'll feel better after I've met her.

Yes, you read that right. I'VE NEVER EVEN MET THE WOMAN! MARLEY'S GONE OFF AND DECIDED TO GET MARRIED TO A WOMAN HIS ONE AND ONLY SISTER HAS NEVER EVEN MET!!!! Perhaps my true frustration, cleverly indicated by the unnedessarily long string of capital letters, is that I feel completely left out of the decision. Granted, it's his life and therefore his decision, no question, but I was never asked for my opinion, my support, my blessing, or even whether or not I like the woman. Since I know from my own past relationships that my family's collective opinion is extremely important to me because my family is important to me, what I'm really feeling is slighted because his behavior says that my input, and therefore I, don't matter.

Regardless, they're getting hitched and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I just have to accept that I will be spending the rest of my family holidays, birthdays, celebrations, and funerals with Miss Happy of Wisconsin. Welcome to the family.