Me: sorry for sleeping so late. I put the sheepy sheets* on my bed last night and it was so snuggly in there i couldn't bring myself to get up. It was like a uterus. Now I'm going to spend the rest of the day eagerly awaiting bed time, just so i can get back in it.
Mom: Why don't you go back to bed now?
Me: I'm wide awake. What would I do there.
*pauses*
Don't answer that.
Mom:** You know what they say: sex is like bridge... if you've got a good hand, you don't need a partner.
Me: ...
*We're having a cold snap. The temperature was below zero last night. That's zero Farenheit. So I put the flannel sheets on my bed. My flannel sheets have little cartoon sheeps all over them. They are seriously cute.
** Mom runs a twice-weekly, ACBL-sanctioned bridge game for a bunch of nearly-dead local residents. I shudder to think where she heard this.
Showing posts with label helpful hints. Show all posts
Showing posts with label helpful hints. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Sleeping the Plank
The plywood did the trick.
I went down to the lumber yard (1/2 mile walk), picked out a sheet of plywood, got them to trim it to the right dimensions for me and deliver it that afternoon. Whacked it on the bed with the help of the Pirate when he got home from swashbuckling, and lo! A (mostly) firm bed!
It's still a bit spongy, but eliminating the give from the box spring has done a lot to firm it up. The big change is that now I can turn over at night, which I couldn't before. That helps a LOT.
So this will get us through at least until the New Year. Pirate has finally been persuaded that we need a new bed anyway, if only to upgrade in size. After I spent three nights on the floor* and he had room to stretch out, I climbed back in and he declared the bed too small.**
*In my nest. I slept on my camping bedroll between the bed and the wall, a space about 2 feet wide and 8 feet long. I had 3 pillows (two for under my head and one for hugging***) and burried myself under 2 down duvets (one of which was king size and folded in half). It was a proper little nest. I quite enjoyed it.
** Which I told him when we registered for the duvet on the wedding list. I insisted on getting a king size because I knew we'd need a king-sized**** bed as soon as we could afford it. He scoffed. Ha!
*** this is critical
**** A king size bed in the UK is equivalent to a queen size in the USA*****
***** I'm trying to beat GSE for the Most Footnotes In The Footnotes Prize
I went down to the lumber yard (1/2 mile walk), picked out a sheet of plywood, got them to trim it to the right dimensions for me and deliver it that afternoon. Whacked it on the bed with the help of the Pirate when he got home from swashbuckling, and lo! A (mostly) firm bed!
It's still a bit spongy, but eliminating the give from the box spring has done a lot to firm it up. The big change is that now I can turn over at night, which I couldn't before. That helps a LOT.
So this will get us through at least until the New Year. Pirate has finally been persuaded that we need a new bed anyway, if only to upgrade in size. After I spent three nights on the floor* and he had room to stretch out, I climbed back in and he declared the bed too small.**
*In my nest. I slept on my camping bedroll between the bed and the wall, a space about 2 feet wide and 8 feet long. I had 3 pillows (two for under my head and one for hugging***) and burried myself under 2 down duvets (one of which was king size and folded in half). It was a proper little nest. I quite enjoyed it.
** Which I told him when we registered for the duvet on the wedding list. I insisted on getting a king size because I knew we'd need a king-sized**** bed as soon as we could afford it. He scoffed. Ha!
*** this is critical
**** A king size bed in the UK is equivalent to a queen size in the USA*****
***** I'm trying to beat GSE for the Most Footnotes In The Footnotes Prize
Monday, November 10, 2008
Back to back
My back has been getting slowly but steadily worse for several weeks. By this weekend I was having serious problems, including but not limited to:
So I finally did it. I slept on the floor.
I expected that I might feel somewhat better after a night on the floor, instead of in a bed so soft that when you sit on it your ass sinks below the level of your knees. I did not expect that after one night on the floor that I would feel completely fine.
That pretty much settles it. We need a new mattress.
For budget reasons we'd really rather not make a major purchase until after Christmas. As a stop-gap we're going to try putting a sheet of plywood between the mattress and box spring. Several people have suggested that this will help, so it seems the obvious first step.
(Oh, and I've got an appointment with the doctor in the morning to see if there's anything else that can be done from a medical perspective. In the past 2 years the NHS has shown a distinct disinterest in my back problems, but this is a new doctor so maybe he'll be more openminded to helping a 29-year-old healthy woman with chronic pain issues. I'm not holding my breath, though.)
- pain that reduced me to tears every time i sneezed or coughed
- an inability to bend over to put on my own knickers
- an inability to bend over to wash my face
- an inability to get into a car w/o assistance
- an inability to twist around to wipe my own ass
So I finally did it. I slept on the floor.
I expected that I might feel somewhat better after a night on the floor, instead of in a bed so soft that when you sit on it your ass sinks below the level of your knees. I did not expect that after one night on the floor that I would feel completely fine.
That pretty much settles it. We need a new mattress.
For budget reasons we'd really rather not make a major purchase until after Christmas. As a stop-gap we're going to try putting a sheet of plywood between the mattress and box spring. Several people have suggested that this will help, so it seems the obvious first step.
(Oh, and I've got an appointment with the doctor in the morning to see if there's anything else that can be done from a medical perspective. In the past 2 years the NHS has shown a distinct disinterest in my back problems, but this is a new doctor so maybe he'll be more openminded to helping a 29-year-old healthy woman with chronic pain issues. I'm not holding my breath, though.)
Friday, October 10, 2008
Worth Watching
This video is over an hour long, but why don't you give it a go tonight instead of Big Brother or Antiques Road Show? You won't regret it.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
FREE JEWELRY!!!
I'm not making this up. All you pay is shipping and handling, which is not expensive.
The US site.
The international site.
There's no limit and no strings. Get involved, bitches.
The US site.
The international site.
There's no limit and no strings. Get involved, bitches.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
The next time you're making squash soup
or pumpkin soup or soup of that ilk, lob a generous splash of scotch in it, along with a dash of either ginger or cinnamon. Something about the smokiness of the scotch and the sweetness of the squash just works. Oh man does it work! Bubble it for a few minutes until the alcohol cooks off, and serve it with a squirt of cream.
Do it. Do it now.
Detailed instructions:
Ingredients:
1 large butternut squash/sugar pumpkin/other orange cucurbita
4 Tbs olive oil
cracked pepper
2-3 cups chicken stock or 2 oxo chicken bullion cubes
1/2 tsp cinnamon OR 1/2 tsp ginger (if you want to use both, make a fucking pumpkin pie)
1/4 cup good scotch (if you wouldn't drink it, don't cook with it you Philistine)*
single cream or half-and-half to taste
What to do:
If you really want to show off to your friends at a dinner party, toast the pumpkin seeds after you've removed them and save them for garish, sprinkling them on the surface of the soup right before you serve it. Your friends will hate you.
*my feeble attempt at imitating First Nation's delightful abusive cooking instruction
** Don't add the cream until you are ready to serve it. Leftovers keep much better in the fridge or freezer if you haven't added the cream yet.
Do it. Do it now.
Detailed instructions:Ingredients:
1 large butternut squash/sugar pumpkin/other orange cucurbita
4 Tbs olive oil
cracked pepper
2-3 cups chicken stock or 2 oxo chicken bullion cubes
1/2 tsp cinnamon OR 1/2 tsp ginger (if you want to use both, make a fucking pumpkin pie)
1/4 cup good scotch (if you wouldn't drink it, don't cook with it you Philistine)*
single cream or half-and-half to taste
What to do:
- Cut the cucurbita in half, scoop out the seeds, cover cut side with oil, sprinkle with cracked pepper, and put face down on a foil-lined baking sheet. Bake at 350 F (175 C) until the skin is brown, shiny, and bubbling off the flesh.
- Remove from oven, allow to cool, and scoop out flesh. Discard skin.
- Whiz flesh through a blender with the chicken stock (this will probably take you 2 batches, depending on the corpulence of your chosen cucurbita). The texture should be nice and smooth, but a little thicker than you would want your soup to be. You still have the whisky and cream to add, remember.
- Pour in saucepan, add spice and whiskey. Bubble for a few minutes until alcohol is cooked off. Or not.
- Ladel out a bowl, add a splash of cream,** swirl it with your spoon so it looks like a photo in a cookbook, and eat it. You will like it. It is good.
If you really want to show off to your friends at a dinner party, toast the pumpkin seeds after you've removed them and save them for garish, sprinkling them on the surface of the soup right before you serve it. Your friends will hate you.
*my feeble attempt at imitating First Nation's delightful abusive cooking instruction
** Don't add the cream until you are ready to serve it. Leftovers keep much better in the fridge or freezer if you haven't added the cream yet.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Motto
(It seems I'm not the only person eager to tie the knot. Go California!!! I just love the mental image of hordes of people madly in love storming the clerks' offices with shit-eating grins on their faces.)
I was talking with a friend the other night about what makes relationships work in general and what makes my relationship with the Pirate work in particular. It occurred to me that I approach my relationship in the same way that I approach the rest of my life. I have a simple motto by which I've lived for many years. It goes like this:
You do the best you can with what you got in the time allotted.
It reminds me that I'm not perfect, I'm not super-human, I can't do everything, and some times there are compromises to be made, but if I do the best I can with whatever I have to work with, than I'm doing OK. That's really all anyone can do. I can't bend the laws of physics to achieve my goals, but I can give my utter best effort to whatever I'm doing within the contstraints that the world imposes. And yes, the world does impose contstraints.
If you do that, it also makes it that much easier to be a forgiving person. It also makes it easier to accept forgiveness from others when you fuck up. (I have particular difficulty with this.) I know that I do my best for the Pirate. I'm not perfect, but I always make an effort. He knows this and so when I fall short he's never upset. Ditto the reverse. We're not perfect, but we do our best and are accommodating and flexible. There is a corollary to this motto which I learned from my high school chemistry teacher. It states
Live your life so as not to be an inconvenience to others.*
Sounds cheesy, but it's a good approach. If, in your day-to-day activities, you think "will doing this be a nuissance to someone?" or "How can I rearrange this to make it less inconvenient for X?" things seem to go OK. This doesn't mean being a doormat, it doesn't mean living your life for other people, but it does mean living your life in such a way that you don't force other people in to situations where they have to be a doormat for you. It means being independent, self-sufficient, and not being a burden to anyone.
We are all occassionally a burden to someone. That's human nature. Sometimes we all need looking after. But that goes back to the first statement. If you do your best to not be a pain-in-the-ass, people will recognize this and be forgiving and helpful those times when you are. And you can do the same for them.
That's all, really. Pretty straightforward stuff.
What are your favorite mottos/mantras?
*Thanks, Fr. Maclernan. I don't remember much about electron orbitals or covalent bonds, but this little gem stuck, and frankly, it's more useful anyway.
I was talking with a friend the other night about what makes relationships work in general and what makes my relationship with the Pirate work in particular. It occurred to me that I approach my relationship in the same way that I approach the rest of my life. I have a simple motto by which I've lived for many years. It goes like this:
You do the best you can with what you got in the time allotted.
It reminds me that I'm not perfect, I'm not super-human, I can't do everything, and some times there are compromises to be made, but if I do the best I can with whatever I have to work with, than I'm doing OK. That's really all anyone can do. I can't bend the laws of physics to achieve my goals, but I can give my utter best effort to whatever I'm doing within the contstraints that the world imposes. And yes, the world does impose contstraints.
If you do that, it also makes it that much easier to be a forgiving person. It also makes it easier to accept forgiveness from others when you fuck up. (I have particular difficulty with this.) I know that I do my best for the Pirate. I'm not perfect, but I always make an effort. He knows this and so when I fall short he's never upset. Ditto the reverse. We're not perfect, but we do our best and are accommodating and flexible. There is a corollary to this motto which I learned from my high school chemistry teacher. It states
Live your life so as not to be an inconvenience to others.*
Sounds cheesy, but it's a good approach. If, in your day-to-day activities, you think "will doing this be a nuissance to someone?" or "How can I rearrange this to make it less inconvenient for X?" things seem to go OK. This doesn't mean being a doormat, it doesn't mean living your life for other people, but it does mean living your life in such a way that you don't force other people in to situations where they have to be a doormat for you. It means being independent, self-sufficient, and not being a burden to anyone.
We are all occassionally a burden to someone. That's human nature. Sometimes we all need looking after. But that goes back to the first statement. If you do your best to not be a pain-in-the-ass, people will recognize this and be forgiving and helpful those times when you are. And you can do the same for them.
That's all, really. Pretty straightforward stuff.
What are your favorite mottos/mantras?
*Thanks, Fr. Maclernan. I don't remember much about electron orbitals or covalent bonds, but this little gem stuck, and frankly, it's more useful anyway.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
L'il libation
Okay, I know I'm not supposed to be drinking any alchy-hol between now and Henley, but it turns out that cranberry juice with rum in it is really good. Really really good. Really really really good.
So I've decided that the benefits of the muscle-relaxing property of the rum (very good for my back) outweigh the detriments of the dehydrating effect. This is purely medicinal people, keep up now.
All this glorious concoction lacks is a proper name. Suggestions in the comments box. Best suggestion gets, i dunno, my undying admiration or some equally worthless shit. If there's already a name for rum and cranberry, I don't want to know about it.
Photo of cranberry juice with no rum. This makes Ceiling Kitten cry.
So I've decided that the benefits of the muscle-relaxing property of the rum (very good for my back) outweigh the detriments of the dehydrating effect. This is purely medicinal people, keep up now.
All this glorious concoction lacks is a proper name. Suggestions in the comments box. Best suggestion gets, i dunno, my undying admiration or some equally worthless shit. If there's already a name for rum and cranberry, I don't want to know about it.
Photo of cranberry juice with no rum. This makes Ceiling Kitten cry.Wednesday, May 14, 2008
My bike broke. Grrr.
The derailer on my bike is bent. This is have the dual effect of
a. Not allowing me to use any of the larger cogs on the rear gears, and
b. shifting very slowly and haltingly.
Result: It took me 90 minutes to get my chiropractor in Clevedon yesterday (it normally takes 60 minutes from Bristol) making me 30 minutes late for my appointment, and it took me 3 hours to get back again. Because I had to walk. Along a B-road with loads of lorries and no shoulder. I can't believe I'm still alive.
Best get the beastie into the shop methingks. I need it to get to my race on Saturday.
Oh, and here's a helpful hint: Never EVER eat raw broccoli on an empty stomach. Such cramps I have never had. Oy vey.
a. Not allowing me to use any of the larger cogs on the rear gears, and
b. shifting very slowly and haltingly.
Result: It took me 90 minutes to get my chiropractor in Clevedon yesterday (it normally takes 60 minutes from Bristol) making me 30 minutes late for my appointment, and it took me 3 hours to get back again. Because I had to walk. Along a B-road with loads of lorries and no shoulder. I can't believe I'm still alive.
Best get the beastie into the shop methingks. I need it to get to my race on Saturday.
Oh, and here's a helpful hint: Never EVER eat raw broccoli on an empty stomach. Such cramps I have never had. Oy vey.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Everyone's an expert
If you suffer from back pain or have recently given birth, you've no doubt experienced this phenomenon: everyone, absolutely bloody everyone, has an opinion on your condition (or how you should be raising your baby), and they are all convinced that there opinions are more correct than the countless medical professionals you've been seeing. And then they get pissy when you ignore them or tell them to mind their own beeswax.
And before you get all huffy, this isn't just about unsolicited advice in the comments box, it's about every fucking person I meet who feels they have to give me their 2 cents worth, and then by way of legal disclaimer, point out that if I ignore their advice and suffer a re-injury that it's my own fucking fault and all sympathy goes out the window. That's my favorite part. The old "if you don't do as I (random person who's never met me and has no medical qualifications) say you'll suffer for it and it will be your fault for not taking my advice, which is obviously so much better than everyone elses!"
So for the benefit of anyone else out there thinking of telling me exactly what I'm doing wrong regarding my back:
Anyone else have any advice for me? Thought so.
And before you get all huffy, this isn't just about unsolicited advice in the comments box, it's about every fucking person I meet who feels they have to give me their 2 cents worth, and then by way of legal disclaimer, point out that if I ignore their advice and suffer a re-injury that it's my own fucking fault and all sympathy goes out the window. That's my favorite part. The old "if you don't do as I (random person who's never met me and has no medical qualifications) say you'll suffer for it and it will be your fault for not taking my advice, which is obviously so much better than everyone elses!"
So for the benefit of anyone else out there thinking of telling me exactly what I'm doing wrong regarding my back:
- I'm not doing nothing about it. After regular physical therapy, pilates, and an on-going course of chirpractic therapy and daily exercise and stretching I am at a point that I could live a completely normal life with only a few tiny adjustments (such as not carrying a heavy grocery bag in one hand, but using 2 lighter ones to balance the load instead).
- I know problems don't clear up overnight (how could I not???), but symptoms sometimes do.
- If any medical professional, at any time had ever said to me "if you go back to rowing you'll damage your back forever and i strongly advise against any further rowing or sculling" I would have taken that very seriously indeed. But every medical pro I have seen has strongly advised me to continue!!!!
- This is because of the nature of my injury. I have a degenerate disk. That means one of my spinal disks has no fluid in it. The fluid is what makes the disk firm. Now it's wilted and soggy and cannot, on it's own, maintain the proper spacing between the vertebrae (L4 and L5, specifically). "On it's own" means that I need my core muscles to compensate by holding my spine up properly. Rowing is an excellent core-strengthening exercise, and keeps a lot of movement in the back. I've now had 2 professionals tell me that the best thing I can do for my back is keep rowing.
- Of course I have considered the problem of pregnancy and child-rearing, and asked my doctor and my chiropractor about it. They both said that I will likely suffer fewer back back problems during pregnancy than the average woman for the very reason that I'm doing so much to strengthen my back and my core now. As for babies, same rules for lifting heavy objects apply.
Anyone else have any advice for me? Thought so.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Sweet Cheeks
Last night after a good bitch session with Miss Melville, who has worked for my mom for 5 years and is well acquainted with her neuroticisms and control fetish, I was feeling somewhat more relaxed. I followed that up with a chat with Vi, mother of the world's cutest monster (honest, he's like godzilla in a blonde, curly wig), who had similar stress with her wedding. She reassured me that even if we go with our original plan it is still possible to enjoy the day. I'm just terrified that at after all the drama I won't be able to enjoy the end product, you know? Anyway, after all that and a good 30 minutes looking at photos of beagle puppies, I'm feeling a bit better.
Also talked with the Pirate, which is always comforting. At the end of the phone call I said "I love you."
His response? "Ok then."
I rolled my eyes and sent a text, explaining that "The correct respons to 'I love you' is NOT 'Ok then,' you suave goofball."
His respone? "Thanks for the tip, sweet-cheeks." That made me laugh.
In nature-related niceties, the weekend rowing was loverly. It's been sunny and warmer (in the 50s) for over a week. The crocuses are blooming, the primrose are in flower, the daffodils are sprouting, and all along the river bank the ducks are bumping butts and there are little green shooty things emerging from the mud. I took a scull out and did some hard pieces, in shorts and T-shirt for the first time this year, and Pirate ran along the river beside and kept me company in the sunshine. Those are the moments I live for, really.
Also talked with the Pirate, which is always comforting. At the end of the phone call I said "I love you."
His response? "Ok then."
I rolled my eyes and sent a text, explaining that "The correct respons to 'I love you' is NOT 'Ok then,' you suave goofball."
His respone? "Thanks for the tip, sweet-cheeks." That made me laugh.
In nature-related niceties, the weekend rowing was loverly. It's been sunny and warmer (in the 50s) for over a week. The crocuses are blooming, the primrose are in flower, the daffodils are sprouting, and all along the river bank the ducks are bumping butts and there are little green shooty things emerging from the mud. I took a scull out and did some hard pieces, in shorts and T-shirt for the first time this year, and Pirate ran along the river beside and kept me company in the sunshine. Those are the moments I live for, really.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
How to keep your Christmas Tree Fresh
For those of you with fresh, live Christmas trees, this is what to do with them:
When you get your tree home saw off the bottom inch of the trunk with a nice fresh, clean cut. If you don't have the means to do this, ask the guy at the tree lot to do it when you buy it. He should do it cheerfully. If he doesn't, he's a grinch, and you have my permission to pay him in coal.
When you get your tree home with its nice, freshly-cut trunk, put it in water right away.
Crush up a few aspirin (it must be aspirin, not tylenol or anything else. ONLY ASPIRIN!) and drop them in the water. This keeps the xylem open so the tree retains its capacity to uptake water better.
Keep the tree well-watered. Check it every other day and top it off as soon as it starts to get low. You will notice that at first your tree sucks up loads and loads of water, and will probably need to be refilled every other day, or possibly every day, depending on the size of your reservior. After a few weeks this will drop off, and you will notice your tree going through less and less water. When this starts to happen, add some more aspirin.
Keep on the aspirin and water and your tree should stay nice and fresh and full of needles for several weeks.
Oh, and try to keep your tree away from direct heat. Don't put it near a heat vent or radiator, or, if you can't avoid it, turn off that particular vent or radiator and turn another one up a notch that is father from the tree.
This message brought to you by Prof. Duh of the University of the Bleeding Obvious.
When you get your tree home saw off the bottom inch of the trunk with a nice fresh, clean cut. If you don't have the means to do this, ask the guy at the tree lot to do it when you buy it. He should do it cheerfully. If he doesn't, he's a grinch, and you have my permission to pay him in coal.
When you get your tree home with its nice, freshly-cut trunk, put it in water right away.
Crush up a few aspirin (it must be aspirin, not tylenol or anything else. ONLY ASPIRIN!) and drop them in the water. This keeps the xylem open so the tree retains its capacity to uptake water better.
Keep the tree well-watered. Check it every other day and top it off as soon as it starts to get low. You will notice that at first your tree sucks up loads and loads of water, and will probably need to be refilled every other day, or possibly every day, depending on the size of your reservior. After a few weeks this will drop off, and you will notice your tree going through less and less water. When this starts to happen, add some more aspirin.
Keep on the aspirin and water and your tree should stay nice and fresh and full of needles for several weeks.
Oh, and try to keep your tree away from direct heat. Don't put it near a heat vent or radiator, or, if you can't avoid it, turn off that particular vent or radiator and turn another one up a notch that is father from the tree.
This message brought to you by Prof. Duh of the University of the Bleeding Obvious.
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