Tuesday, May 17, 2005

WMD: wilted flowers

The fam and I were at an award ceremony the other night. A gaggle of local peacenicks gave an award to one of their members, who happens to be a good friend of mine. The keynote speaker was a former US marine who became disallusioned with the US government after his tour in Iraq. (Personally I think he's a moron for having dilusions in the first place, but at least he figured it out in the end. Too bad it took 6 months of murdering Iraqi citizens to figure it out.) He spoke of the horrors of war and the tragic effects that our ammuntion containing depleated geraniums was having on the Iraqi people.

Wait, that's not right. Depleated what now? Depleated geraniums. You've got to be kidding me. Are you seriously telling me that our tanks are firing shells containing wilted flowers, and this is somehow devastating Iraqi cities?

No, asshole, that's not what I'm telling you. You know, depleated geranium, the expended fuel rods from nuclear power plants? Stuff causes cancer and birth defects and all kinds of shit? You've got a college degree, how is you've never heard of depleated geranium?

It is an unfortunate feature of the American midwestern and southern accents to drawl final -ds into something more akin to a j or soft g. When uttered through a B-quality loudsystem, the effect is hopeless. Goddamnit man, you're a former US marine and paid public speaker. Drop, give me 20, and practice properly articulating your final -ds!

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