Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Two beefs

First, (cuz we all know where my priorities lie): porn.

Why the fuck is it that if you go googling for some new porn, it doesn't matter what you type in, all you get is a bunch of pages that are lists of links, most of them to pages that are still more lists of links, and so on and so forth. Where is the actual porn???

So I'm taking suggestions. If you know of a particularly good porn site, tell me what it is please. Here's what I like:
1. Lots of sounds, moaning, breathing, etc.
2. Camera shots of faces, not just dicks and pussy
3. (and this is the biggie) Lots of free sample videos. (I can't actually afford to subscribe to anything.)
Sexual orientation matters not. I'll take straight, gay, lesbo, group, whatever. On you mark, get set, GO!


Second beef: BETA blogger. I havn't switched over yet. I've been nervous about what it will do to my blog and my commentators (that's you lot). I've noticed lately that on certain blogs (such as Timorous Beastie) when I go to leave a comment it doesn't recognize me as Chaucer's Bitch, but as my real-world meat space name. This seriously pisses me off. What the fuck is it doing bandying about my real name??? If I wanted to use my real name I wouldn't have created a webID in the first place. If I switch to BETA blogger, will it make all of you use your real names? Or am I doing something wrong? Why is it doing this?

Would those of you who have made the switch share with me your observations of the new system?

And is anyone else having difficulty with the system showing their comments by their real names instead of their webIDs?

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

In response to the title of your post, I am dying to make a quip about beef curtains.

And on that note, I can't help you with the porn, although I would say make sure you have up to date anti virus software if you are browsing saucy sites.
On the beta Blogger thing, your name still appears to me as Chaucer's Bitch and nothing private is being revealed (ooh er, I'm on a roll here). The beta version requires you to register with a Google account, so if you already have one (or a gmail account), it might be that you need to log in using your gmail/Google user name and password. Your name still appears in public as your chosen blogger name.

Happy flap hunting!

Anonymous said...

could not agree more about the porn!

as for beta, i think if you insist of blogger display name a few times it accepts that, which is what is happening with me now on beta

D'Artagnan said...

www.debbiedoeschaucer.com
www.hamstersmuggler.com
www.sexyhouseplants.com
www.limegreenlover.com

Da Nator said...

I'm afraid of Beta Blogger, too. I'll let you be my guinea pig.

As for porn, sign up for Limewire for free, and then just surf other people's hard drives for it. Limewire is best for free mp3s, but you can also find movies, porn, etc. You won't come up with the same quantity of stuff, and you have to let it load a little while to preview it and see what you're actually getting, but no whack-a-mole window pop-ups and it's free, free, free!

Uh, at least that what I'm told, by pervy people who surf for porn all the time...

Chaucer's Bitch said...

TB: beef curtains? i have no idea what that means. apparently i'm more naive than i thought. and flap hunting? i can guess...

mincat: that's it. we just need to show BB who's boss!

d'artagnan: hardy har har. (the sad thing is the first two sound frighteningly plausible.)

da nator: wouldn't that give other people access to my hard drive as well? i'm not so sure i'm comfortable with that, what with all my national security secrets and everything.

Loganoc said...

Yeah but you can choose which files you want to share.

I think a much better argument for never paying for internet porn is as given by Mark in Peep Show - As long as I don't pay it's not dirty! innit.

Anonymous said...

Being an upstanding professional I know nothing of porn. As for beta it makes posting and editing settings, adding links and so on much easier. I had a few problems with not being able to post but discovered if you log in to dashboard first you can post as your proper cyber self quite easily.

Lorna said...

How about book-based porn? Cheaper (probably) and more portable. There's probably piles of esoteric stuf in your university library if it's anything like ours. Ooh-er missis, and suchlike. :)

Annie Rhiannon said...

I am not good at looking up porn on the internet, having only very recently installed the internet at home, but am also curious and will be checking back for tips.

Saying that, I think if you are just googling the word "porn", you may want to refine your search term a little to avoid infinite lists of links!

As for Beta Blogger, the most off-putting thing for me is the warning "Once you switch you can't go back!" which suggests that you really might want to. So I will wait, for Ceta Blogger, or whatever the phonetic letter for C is called, I forget.

Anonymous said...

It seems everyone is too shy or naive. So - the great prawn hunter comes to the rescue of the damsel in distress. Google xxx and one other letter. Some transformation may be necessary. Happy hunting. (And do keep your AV software up to date).

mutleythedog said...

Try any "porn" term on google and exactly the same set of results comes up - with exactly the same sites. My guess is some one some where pays google to do this..and they change daily, or are outbid. Never think that Google is unbiased - actually it is for sale.

Beta: A friend of mine tried to change to Beta and ended with a Blog that she is actually no longer able to access either to post or change.

mutleythedog said...

We once got a Danish girl who spoke good english but lacked slang to ask for a dish of beef curtains in a restaurant....

Babs said...

One of my brother's friends kept calling here and screaming 'MEAT CURTAINS!!' on the answering machine for ages and I never did quite understand what the hell they were on about. Until now.

Anonymous said...

CB

My previous post was, possibly, a tad obscure; but this is a public forum, albeit led by you, and I am wary of upsetting any sensitive souls ~ however unlikely that may be. Could you be banned for posting URLs to porn sites? I don't know, but better not take the risk.

Assuming Blogger records IP addresses, a bit of simple arithmetic based on my IP address should lead you to a site that meets most of your requirements.

my.ip.add.res
-22.+0.+32.-45

64.11n.nnn.nnn

I'll let you decide whether your research should be shared with your readers.

The Prawn Hunter

The Michael said...

OK, now, I HEARD from someone who knows someone who surfs porn, that what you do is search for a site with all those thumbnails, and click on one, and they take you to a sample site that has maybe 2 or 4 short clips. If you click on a thumbnail and it simply takes you to ANOTHER collection of thumbnails, well, if you want to see that clip really badly, then you have to get rid of the new window and keep clicking that thumbnail till you finally end up at the sample site. Half the time you end up there after maybe 3 or 4 tries. I'd tell you the very best place to get easy one click samples till you puke, but, like I said, I don't really know anything about surfing porn.......grin.

homo escapeons said...

Porn is a trojan horse racetrack so crank your security to the Spinal Tappian 11!
Limewire is free, free, free and can be set so that no other pilferer can raid (upload) your files..here again file to file sharing is like having unprotected sex in a Bangkok whorehouse on New Year's Eve so keep that in mind.

You can always rent 'marital aid' materials?..don't you have an upscale Love Shop type outlet near you..that way you protect your hard drive and it will free your fingers from hitting play after a 5 second clip..a protocol which is obviously designed for men who (believe it or not) do not require much in the way of character development.

BETA scares the hell out me for some reason..even though blogger consistently annoys me with petty malfunctions I just leave and come back in half an hour and it usually is fixed..(*an engineer has been notified WHATEVER!)...
but I still haven't been pushed far enough over the edge to risk it all...yet.

Spinsterella said...

For an explanation of 'beef curtains', you might want to get yourself a copy of Roger's Profanisaurus courtesy of those Geordie geniuses behind Viz Magazine.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

Oh god. I just looked up "beef curtains" in Urban Dictionary.

I had no idea. Seriously.

And the title of this post? And then the porn discussion? oh jesus. I've actually managed to embarass myself, and believe me, my peeps, that takes some serious doing.

*blushes furiously*

Anonymous said...

again with all the blah blah I don't look for porn stuff. Try FHM, go to 100 best websites, and then number 1: "filth gratis".

I think "badly packed kebab" is pretty funny too.

hendrix said...

Try literotica.com. Never checked out the films (no honest I'm the reading type) but might be worth a look...and on that note...

Anonymous said...

I like to combine my blogs with my porn so http://www.msnaughty.com/blog/ sorts me out with lots of lovely links when my imagination is tired and emotional.

As for Beta Blogger, I changed over a few days ago and, other than having to log in twice due to not updating my bookmark, I'm liking it.

Del said...

Hello! I saw on Patroclus's blog comments you were talking about porn, so here I am to make my contribution: Heheh.. girls talking about porn. Snirk.

Anyway, here's a quote from Spaced:

Daisy: Right, I'm going to the shops. D'you want anything?
Tim: Porn.
Daisy: Tim, I'm not going to buy you porn. You can get it from railway sidings like everybody else.
Tim: I can't, I'm an adult. I'm supposed to leave it there.

And therein lies your problem. Ah, I remember buying a porn mag as a dare when I was a teenager. Those were the days. Kids have it so easy now. And finding porn online is all part of the male hunter/gatherer instinct. Being a single bloke, I'm sure i can find some links in my webcache if you really want...

What a way to make a first impression. Good morning...

Chaucer's Bitch said...

Thanks everybody for all your tips and suggestions. I think this will get me through my last 6 days of Piratelessness.

you heard me: SIX DAYS!!!!!!!!!!

Melissa said...

So far betablogger seems to be about the same as the other, though I keep getting "you can't post comments on non-beta blogs, we'll be working on that" nonsense when I try to comment. You can get around this by clicking Other and then entering your name and link. My only gripe is that I liked having a list of titles under Previous Posts, and now the only option (in the list form that I prefer) is a date format.