Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Stuff I've learned from men

(Now new and imporved!)

This is a great little idea from Patroclus. Thus, I'm stealing it.

What I can't decide is should I include all the things I've learned from men in general (not counting teachers and profs, obv.), or just boyfriends? The latter would be a significantly shorter list. So I guess I'll start with that and we'll see where I get to. I can always add stuff from superfluous men* later.

from the first bf, my freshman year of college, i learned:
  • the naming protocol of organic molecules
  • the easiest way to put pillow cases on really turgid pillows
  • how not to eat at the dinner table
  • how not to practice good personal hygeine
  • how not to treat a girlfriend
  • how to screw up a clarinet solo in front of 1000 people
  • the most effective and publicly humiliating way to break up with an asshole
moving on to bf #2, Hairy Man, we have:
  • how to make really good curry
  • how to shag
  • how to cook while camping out
  • an appreciation of ACDC
  • how to treat a girlfriend well
  • a deeper level of guilt
is it to soon to do the Pirate? I don't think so. That gives us:
  • general stuff about cricket
  • stuff about archery (did I mention he's Robin Hood? yep. eat yer heart out.)
  • how not to throw like a girl and bowl a cricket ball properly
  • all kinds of stuff about boats that i'll never be able to remember
  • several really crass (and really funny) swear words and euphamisms
  • how to dance
  • how to accept gifts
  • how to be free
  • what it feels like to be loved
  • UPDATE: how to operate my eyeballs independently. (There's a skill every gal needs.)

What have you learned from your boy/girlfriends? Tagging: everyone! Hop to it.

*I'm giving myself 5 bonus XP for using the phrase "superfluous men."


Loganoc said...

This is a really interesting one. I just did one too (always the last one to catch on to a trend) and feel a bit shaken up now. Phew.

Spinsterella said...

I racked my brain for hours on this one.

I stuck strictly to the original rules (serious boyfriends and taking only positive things) but still didn't get very far.

You've done well...

realdoc said...

Believe me when you've had to bowl at him for hours on end in the back garden the cricket thing stops being sweet and becomes extremely vexing.

homo escapeons said...

OK if we can safely abandon the iron clad rule of blogging that little people talk about others and not about ideas..
first gf
No really mean't no and that included warm summer starlit nights alone out on a romantic walk way past our curfew afer several hundred promises to be loved beyond words until the end of time itself?!
2nd gf
No mean't maybe OK but whoops that's too far but I'd still like to do this, this, this and this if we keep all of our clothes on....
well OK.
3rd gf
Finally taught me everything I needed to know about the mechanics of reproduction in multicellular organisms. Believe it or not, to this day she is still my favorite Junior High Teacher.

patroclus said...

You can operate your eyeballs independently???

Chaucer's Bitch said...

loganoc: cup o' tea w/ a shot of bourbon in it will sort you right in a jiffy.

spin: all learning is positive.

realdoc: actually, he reckons i could make quite a good fast bowler. it seem i've got the right physique and temperment. I'm actually rather looking forward to him putting me through the training.

Homo: um, oh my.

Patroclus: I can now! isn't that cool?!

Annie Rhiannon said...

You HAVE done well, Chaucer's.

I love reading your blonk. You always seem so upbeat these days. Although I also like reading your sadder posts too.

Anyway, "how to be free", I learnt that this year too. It feels really, really good.

ZB said...

What I learned from my girlfriends:

That they're not to be trusted.

The end.

Hannah said...

"UPDATE: how to operate my eyeballs independently"

I'd like a little more info on this one please.

Billy said...

I second Hannah's comment. I need instructions though.

Betty said...

You want to be careful about operating your eyeballs independently - you might end up looking like Marty Feldman.

mutleythedog said...

How to skin a gnu
How to fart tunes like the national anthem
The days of the week
How to iron things like towels and underwear - which don't really need ironing
The importance of shoes
Plastic surgery

Perspective Inc. said...


Michael said...

+ how to be free
+ what it feels like to be loved

Use all your other various and sundry skills to keep him close.

Loved this post.