Personal to Emily Post: Fuck Off

A charming individual calling him/herself Emily Post had this to say in response to my post, Happy VD.

"he had the good sense to take me at my word. "

The fact that you had the need to write about it, just to say it out loud: I don't mind that he didn't do anything for me on V-Day, sort of shows how you did mind, and deep down, you wish he did something.

Regardless of the occasion, love is present. Therefore, to pay special attention to a particular day (however cheesy or overrated it is) to celebrate love just for the heck of it, means something.

Everyone wants fireworks. Even married couples who go out of their way to revive the fires that have somewhat been watered down over time.

You should be more upfront about your feelings. And he should stop treating you like one of the guys.


You're right, dear. I should be more upfront about my feelings.** Starting now.

Fuck right off, you patronizing, sanctimonious, self-important cunt!!!

Ooh, that felt good.

I know I shouldn't let verbal feces deposited in my comments box by an anonymous wanker get to me, but this was personal. This is someone telling me how I should feel and and how I and my absolutely wonderful, affectionate, generous boyfriend should act.

See Emily, here's the thing. Bitches like you are the reason it's so hard for women like me to convince men that there are honest women in the world who speak their mind and don't play the manipulative games you condone. You find it unfathomable that someone could actually mean what they say. You automatically assume I must have some kind of hidden motive. You assume this because that is exactly how you behave.

You're right about one thing: love is present, regardless of the day. That is precisely why the day is so superfluous! When I say that every weekend with the Pirate is like Christmas, my birthday, Valentine's and the Fourth of July rolled into one, it's because he really IS that generous all the time. What would you rather have: a boyfriend who takes you to a gorgeous, very posh, romantic, candlelight dinner on Valentine's day, or a boyfriend who does it on a random saturday just because? Exactly.

And what the fuck makes you think we don't have fireworks???! You're making an awful lot of personal, and rather ballsy, assumptions for someone who has never met either one of us.

Your comment about him treating me "like one of the boys" is offensive on several levels. They are as follows:

1. There is nothing wrong with spending time with one's boyfriend while talking about/watching/playing sports, talking cars, playing video games, or doing the other things you imagine boys do. There is nothing wrong with this because first and foremost we are best friends, and that, more than anything else, is why we will still love each other and love being with each other when we're old and grey and broken.
2. The flippancy of your tone insults men everywhere, and suggests that the bonds formed between heterosexual males are somehow weaker or less valid than those formed between sexual partners. I have observed that many men form incredibly strong attachments with their mates, often a loyalty surpassing that of their loyalty to a sexual partner. If this is the sort of deep, fraternal bond the Pirate feels toward me I would not feel slighted in the least.
3. You are making an assertion about the nature of the relationship between me and my boyfriend based on absolutely no evidence because, as I pointed out earlier, you've never me either one of us.
4. You not only assume you know something about me/us that you don't, but you presume to tell my boyfriend how to behave towards me! This I find utterly appalling. Based on what you've written above, I can safely say that if the Pirate were to follow any of your advice, it would be a significant decline in the quality of our relationship. If you have a boyfriend, I pity him. I would rather roll in broken glass and swim in a pool of lemon juice than spend 5 minutes in a room with you.

So if you feel the need to offer any more unsolicited advice, please consider adhering to the following unsolicited advice first: Pick up the nearest heavy object, hit yourself over the head with it 3 times, and then repeat the phrase 'I will not be a conceited, goody-goody twat' until the urge passes. Thank you.


**Anyone out there who thinks I'm not upfront about my feelings, raise your hand.

Yeah, that's what I thought.