Thursday, March 01, 2007

Personal to Emily Post: Fuck Off

A charming individual calling him/herself Emily Post had this to say in response to my post, Happy VD.

"he had the good sense to take me at my word. "

The fact that you had the need to write about it, just to say it out loud: I don't mind that he didn't do anything for me on V-Day, sort of shows how you did mind, and deep down, you wish he did something.

Regardless of the occasion, love is present. Therefore, to pay special attention to a particular day (however cheesy or overrated it is) to celebrate love just for the heck of it, means something.

Everyone wants fireworks. Even married couples who go out of their way to revive the fires that have somewhat been watered down over time.

You should be more upfront about your feelings. And he should stop treating you like one of the guys.


You're right, dear. I should be more upfront about my feelings.** Starting now.

Fuck right off, you patronizing, sanctimonious, self-important cunt!!!

Ooh, that felt good.

I know I shouldn't let verbal feces deposited in my comments box by an anonymous wanker get to me, but this was personal. This is someone telling me how I should feel and and how I and my absolutely wonderful, affectionate, generous boyfriend should act.

See Emily, here's the thing. Bitches like you are the reason it's so hard for women like me to convince men that there are honest women in the world who speak their mind and don't play the manipulative games you condone. You find it unfathomable that someone could actually mean what they say. You automatically assume I must have some kind of hidden motive. You assume this because that is exactly how you behave.

You're right about one thing: love is present, regardless of the day. That is precisely why the day is so superfluous! When I say that every weekend with the Pirate is like Christmas, my birthday, Valentine's and the Fourth of July rolled into one, it's because he really IS that generous all the time. What would you rather have: a boyfriend who takes you to a gorgeous, very posh, romantic, candlelight dinner on Valentine's day, or a boyfriend who does it on a random saturday just because? Exactly.

And what the fuck makes you think we don't have fireworks???! You're making an awful lot of personal, and rather ballsy, assumptions for someone who has never met either one of us.

Your comment about him treating me "like one of the boys" is offensive on several levels. They are as follows:
  1. There is nothing wrong with spending time with one's boyfriend while talking about/watching/playing sports, talking cars, playing video games, or doing the other things you imagine boys do. There is nothing wrong with this because first and foremost we are best friends, and that, more than anything else, is why we will still love each other and love being with each other when we're old and grey and broken.
  2. The flippancy of your tone insults men everywhere, and suggests that the bonds formed between heterosexual males are somehow weaker or less valid than those formed between sexual partners. I have observed that many men form incredibly strong attachments with their mates, often a loyalty surpassing that of their loyalty to a sexual partner. If this is the sort of deep, fraternal bond the Pirate feels toward me I would not feel slighted in the least.
  3. You are making an assertion about the nature of the relationship between me and my boyfriend based on absolutely no evidence because, as I pointed out earlier, you've never me either one of us.
  4. You not only assume you know something about me/us that you don't, but you presume to tell my boyfriend how to behave towards me! This I find utterly appalling. Based on what you've written above, I can safely say that if the Pirate were to follow any of your advice, it would be a significant decline in the quality of our relationship. If you have a boyfriend, I pity him. I would rather roll in broken glass and swim in a pool of lemon juice than spend 5 minutes in a room with you.
So if you feel the need to offer any more unsolicited advice, please consider adhering to the following unsolicited advice first: Pick up the nearest heavy object, hit yourself over the head with it 3 times, and then repeat the phrase 'I will not be a conceited, goody-goody twat' until the urge passes. Thank you.


**Anyone out there who thinks I'm not upfront about my feelings, raise your hand.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

13 comments:

hendrix said...

I dunno CB. I reckon you're still holding back on how you really feel(about EP's post)

Spinsterella said...

Um.

While I have no truck with VD myself (and have never send a card in my life), I think you might have been a bit harsh here...

Some people really like that VD stuff and probably think those of us who don't are just being defensive.

I didn't think this commentator was being all that offensive myself...

(Possibly cos I've had much worse)

Warrior Two said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! A perfect example of the "Special Olympics" rule of the internet. Everyone seems to think that if they can just get in the last word, everyone else will be sufficiently 'moted.

Said comment is SO offensive, part of me thinks it might have just been a simple troll out to get your goat (do trolls eat goats?). Who the hell knows. Now if you'll excuse me, the lure of this here light-box is keeping me from my evening nap.

Dave said...

'the bonds formed between males are somehow weaker or less valid than those formed between sexual partners'

Ahem. Apparently (so I have heard) there are some people out there called gays.



Hey, I know what you were talking about, and would hate you to think I was being critical in any way.

Otherwise you might shout at me.

*Curls up under desk, quivering*

Chaucer's Bitch said...

HC: you think? maybe i shouldn't have deleted the bit about her tentacles.

Spin: yeah, what really got me was her suggestion that the Pirate was anything less than perfect. That just riled the hell out of me.

W2: when I was in school people used to antagonize me deliberately just to see me get wound up (it's pretty easy, as you can see). my mom always told me to just ignore, but i've never been good at not responding to personal attacks. probably why i wouldn't succeed very far in politics.

Dave: you are entirely correct. There is nothing mutual exclusive about male bonding and sex. what i meant to say was "heterosexual male bonds." The error has been corrected. Thank you for pointing it out.

(you can come out now, really.)

Michael said...

Thank you! I needed a good cleansing rant but just haven't been able to muster the energy to generate my own.

Yesterday I had someone call me a bigot in a blog comment. Although I partly deserved it, she knows me and she knows where my sympathies lie, so it was really aggravating that she couldn't just let it pass, or at least make mention of it in a civil tone.

Arrrggghhhh, I thought the blogsphere was supposed to be my refuge. Heh.

ZB said...

Should you feel the need to offer any more unsolicited advice...

Surely that's the point of a blog?

I'm torn (said the actress to the bishops) here Ceebs. On the one hand I agree with you. Celebrate love any time you feel like it not just on a specific day. Cool beans. Where do I sign? But surely that privel, priveil...fuck it, favours the days he does over the days he doesn't just as much as Valentine's Day does? As for women, face value, yadda yadda. Yes, it would be nice to meet someone who is totally honest all the time and is transparent about their feelings all the time. But the reality is that we're not all totally honest and transparent. We might think we are. But we're not. We all have unconscious desires and needs and they do manifest and project themselves. They're unconscious, so you don't know about them. Hell, you have a less than unconscious one in as much as you want the pirate to marry you. You want him to ask you. You've said as much in this very blog. That's a need and a desire that colours your relationship. Levi Strauss - by watching something you change the parameters of it. By saying something you express a need to make it happen. You put it out into the universe and it makes it happen. The whole point of love, surely (don't call me shirley) is not that we love our perfect partner, but we love our partners inperfections. I don't want a totally transparent woman. I want a complex individual with flaws and strengths, with wants she tells me and wants she doesn't, with dreams that are hers and hers alone and dreams that I work out for myself.I don't want someone who gives me a manual that explains exactly how she works. I...

Aw fuck it, I'm making it up as I go along. I've just taught Lawrence and Eliot to lobotomy victims. AKA some of the finest HE students in England.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

Michael: have you been to Frobisher's yet??? go. go now. www.frobishersfunpages.blogspot.com


Herebe: since when is being subjected to unsolicited advice the point of a blog? For me the principle point is expression. Output, in other words, not input. That said, I value my blogbuddies tremendously and I often ASK for opinions/advice/nob gags for that very reason. But presuming to tell a total stranger how she should behave in a relationship? That was just pretention on a level I could barely fathom.

You don't want a woman who's totally transparent about her feelings? Argh! Mixed message alert! I thought if I was doing ONE thing right it was that I was being upfront about my feelings. Argh, I say again!

You're right, I have said I want to marry the Pirate. What makes you think I havn't said that to him? He knows bloody well what I want.

Anyway, I'm not perfect. Far from it. But i'm not mentally capable of the subtley required for mind games and manipulation. So i guy who goes out with me does, in fact, get a manual to how I operate. I guess every guy (and every woman)wants something different.

Gorilla Bananas said...

So you don't like Valentine's Day because you want to be cuddled every day? Fair enough. I must point out, though, that hairy bodies are more cuddly than hairless ones.

Mr Farty said...

You mean the Pirate didn't get down on bended knee and ask you to marry him on Valentine's Day? The Swine!

Mrs Farty specifically asked me not to get her anything on VD and was quite upset - in a nice way - when I gave her a card. So yes, women do sometimes mean exactly what they say.

Anyway, I like the spontaneity of doing romantic stuff anywhere, anywhen.

*time for a kiss and a cuddle*

Chaucer's Bitch said...

Bananas: no, I don't like Valentine's day because it trivializes genuine affection and makes single people even more lonely and resentful.

Farty: Don't you call my Pirate a swine or I'll get medieval on your ass!

But yes, there are those of us out there who say what we mean and mean what we say. Thank you believing me. Next time believe your wife! :-)

ZB said...

If you don't want unsolicited advice then don't have a comments page...

I don't want a head fuck but I don't want a science project report for a girlfriend.

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