Dear Adoring Public,
Can anyone answer this question:
Why would someone say they want to get married, and then not want to tell anyone they are engaged?
Besides Romeo & Juliet-style familial disapproval (which doesn't apply here), can anyone think of a reason to keep an engagement a secret other than having serious second thoughts???
Signed,
Befuddled in Brizzle
UPDATE: After I got a little weepy with him about it, he finally bit the bullet and told his folks. (They were ecstatic.) I feel somewhat relieved.
16 comments:
Dunno...my husband was a bit odd about it at first.
He just felt it was a private thing, and that if people saw the ring they'd figure it out...like it was such a big step he needed a few days for it to sink in.
I let him know I had to talk about it and told who I wanted and told him I would as I couldn't keep it in.
After a few days he was yabbing about it too...
Men are wierd that way.
I wouldn't say that is serious second thoughts. Some people react differently. Some (like myself) would want to run and shout it out on the top of the biggest hill, others might be more coy.
However, on the basis that you're getting engaged, are you not in the stage where you can ask your partner?? Just be open! It won't be second thoughts. :)
Geo: that's exactly what he said, it just didn't seem convincing somehow.
Alex: of course i asked. see above.
I honestly doubt it's second thoughts. Could it not be that he has the oh-so-British trait of not liking a fuss? It could be he wants to avoid the "ooooh you're engaged" "when's the big day" and numerous other fussing cliches he's likely to hear.
It is a tad odd not to want to announce it, I agree. The whole POINT of an engagement is to publicly announce intention to marry and has never been a private thing, but if he doesn't like to be centre of attention, I can understand why he'd rather not make a big thing about it.
Congratulations by the way. I've followed this since you met the Pirate and am exceedingly happy for you.
thanks, cookie. :o)
Ican kind of see the attraction of keeping it secret for a bit. You can think about it when you're stuck in a traffic jam, or at the dentists, and feel all warm and fuzzy, rather than jumping straight onto the "10 months of what-colour-are-the-bridesmaids-wearing" interrogation bandwagon.
This would not stop me reacting EXACTLY the same way as you about it though.
Relax and take a deep breath. He is obviously careful, methodical and deeply in love with you. The problem he faces is how to integrate an outsider into a complex British social fabric and avoid potential land mines and serious hurt to you.
You are better off taking his lead and take small steps in that effort. You may like to go with him to church services for a starter. Pub and his fellow cricketeer/player introduction may come later.
homer: you're quite right. it's just i was also flipping out because we really only HAVE 10 months, and that's barely enough time when all the reception venues for the month you want are already booked up. (I know, i've looked!) Ta for the empathy, tho. :)
RT: I'm not such a pahriah as all that! I've been to church with him on several occasions, went to every one of his cricket matches last season and got very friendly with the other cricket-watching folks at his local club, and I met most of his good friends ages ago!
Congratulations..this has been an interesting journey watching a Romance blossom. You have covered the event so thoughtfully and with such honesty. I am so glad that the Pirate's Parents were ecstatic..isn't that cool.
Regarding the secrecy..you have received some wonderful thoughtful advice so far.
I agree.
Unless you're Posh Becks and you want everything to be 'Mayjah' I would suspect that making a big 'to do' about the wedding is not quite Cricket!
However Un-American that sentiment feels you are in a foreign land and when in Rome...
Hopefully you don't have a blogworthy surname combo like the list that Kaz posted a few days ago..
http://youngestpensioner.
blogspot.com/
Congrats CB..just let it happen for a while and then tell him about the infinite weddin' plans that you have been perfecting since you were 5 years old.
After I proposed to Small Boo, I told one or two people, and they started asking all sorts of questions about the wedding, which we hadn't even decided (we eventually got round to it five years later). They also wanted to know about the engagement party; I had no idea people had parties for that.
In the end it got so boring, I stopped mentioning it. It wasn't second thoughts - it was more realisation of the huge burden of expectations that gets placed on you when you do something that's essentially a personal, private decision.
Few posts late, but:
CONGRATULATIONS!
Having been reading your blog since you were a shy virgin copping off for the first time all the way through a couple of serious relationships....it's lovely.
I feel proud in a strangely maternal way. Go CB.
me three!
you'll both find yourselves having the strangest reactions to all this as the date gets closer and closer. cold feet included. welcome to the wedding roller coaster. this is why they serve booze at the reception and everyone gets in fights...it's such a relief when it's over!!
You are going to write some posts that aren't about the wedding, aren't you?
Thanks, everyone.
Dave: yeah, maybe a few. maybe.
BTW: all is well. Pirate seems to have come back up to Reality for some air and things are moving along fine.
He hasn't told anyone because
a) He's a bloke...?
b) You're up the duff and this is a shotgun wedding. He's already planning on leaving the country without telling you.
c) He only asked because you pressured him into it and now he's regretting it
d) He needs some time for it to sink in
e) He's a bloke.
f) He's still a bloke
g) He's...
Oh, he's fessed up. Cool.
I don't remember being in a great rush to tell the world.
I proposed because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with N, but you know the whole 'Wedding' word makes the rest of the world go nuts at you both for months! :-)
So I agree with a, d, e and f above.
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