for the absolutely shitty morning I had.
It was because the seagulls were squawking that I leapt from my bed and lunged for the water gun on the desk to shoot the fucking bastards,
Which caused me to get dizzy and black out because I got out of bed too fast,
Which caused to lose both my balance and my consciousness
Which caused me to fall off my desk (where I was kneeling to reach the window to shoot the sea gulls)
Which caused me to (somehow, I really don't know how this happened) to fall off the desk in such a way that I scraped my back against a corner of it, catching a raised mole on my back and ripping the thing off my flesh, creating a 10-inch long vertical gouge in my back.
The pain of which caused me to go in to shock (after I came to in a pile on the floor)
Which caused me to get all hot and feverish and nauseous
Which caused me to throw up all over my laundry before I could get it together enough to ring the doctor, which I eventually did, hauled myself up to student health, and got myself bandaged up nicely.*
I could have done it myself save for the difficulty of reaching my own back.
All because of the GODDAMN FUCKING NOISY SEAGULLS.
*The bandages all fell off in the 15 minute walk back to my flat. Fucking NHS can't even apply a bandaid properly.