Monday, July 21, 2008

I blame the sea gulls

for the absolutely shitty morning I had.

It was because the seagulls were squawking that I leapt from my bed and lunged for the water gun on the desk to shoot the fucking bastards,

Which caused me to get dizzy and black out because I got out of bed too fast,

Which caused to lose both my balance and my consciousness

Which caused me to fall off my desk (where I was kneeling to reach the window to shoot the sea gulls)

Which caused me to (somehow, I really don't know how this happened) to fall off the desk in such a way that I scraped my back against a corner of it, catching a raised mole on my back and ripping the thing off my flesh, creating a 10-inch long vertical gouge in my back.

The pain of which caused me to go in to shock (after I came to in a pile on the floor)

Which caused me to get all hot and feverish and nauseous

Which caused me to throw up all over my laundry before I could get it together enough to ring the doctor, which I eventually did, hauled myself up to student health, and got myself bandaged up nicely.*

I could have done it myself save for the difficulty of reaching my own back.


*The bandages all fell off in the 15 minute walk back to my flat. Fucking NHS can't even apply a bandaid properly.


Billy said...

I used to work in an office in central Bristol with no air conditioning so on a hot day the window would get opened as wide as possible.

When ringing people up they'd accuse me of being on the beach because of all the seagulls in the background.

GreatSheElephant said...


ziggi said...

ah, nature at its best :)

Dave said...

Wait until they creep into your room at night and try to peck your eyes out...

ZB said...

Bloody ungrateful immigrants! Go back to America and get badly bandaged up and get a bill for it!

Anyway, lose the water pistol. Guns are the only language that seagulls understand.

Frobisher said...

I am seriously thinking of buying a BB gun to shoot some seagulls round here - they are a menace and are vermin. Is it me or are there more of them this year?

FirstNations said...

and here you thought that Hitchcock was filming fiction.


Chaucer's Bitch said...

Billy: i'm not surprised. when i'm on the phone people often comment that they can hear the birds in the background.

GSE: yea verily

zig: i was a nature lover until i came to this city. it has ruined me.

Dave: thanks for that. I'll sleep well tonight i'm sure.

zb: if only i could fire a gun out my window over the main city center. that would be safe i'm sure.

frob: i can't decide if there's more of them or if they just piss me off more.

FN: i'm tempted to post a photo. it's pretty.

オウム said...

The technical term is shite hawk for good reason.

There will be more when you move down south but hopefully the nearby range will scare them away.