Saturday, May 02, 2009

My Mother-in-Law the Pudding Rapist

Wow. I knew it had been a while since I blogged, but I genuinely hadn't realized it had been over 2 months. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to take such a long break, but once I stepped back from the screen to take a breather I found it really difficult to return. Rather than write a big long whingy apology though, how about I just jump right back into it? Right. Here goes.

My mother-in-law is a Pudding Rapist. (This is pudding in the English sense, meaning all things desserty, not just the stuff Bill Cosby sells.)

Pirate and I were up at the in-laws for 2 weeks over Easter, during which time my MIL fed us pudding every day at lunch AND dinner. Argh! After 4 days I thought I would explode. The problem is I know she only does it because I'm there. If it was just Pirate visiting his parents she would make a pud the first night and leave it at that. But because I'm there she makes one every night. And since she's doing it for me I feel obligated out of a sense of hospitality to accept, and then she says "See, I knew you really did want it" and makes another one the next night. And then pourse double cream all over everything! GROOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

So, yes, the Pudding Rapist. Becuase in her mind "no" means "yes" and no matter how much you scream and kick and protest that you don't want any more, she knows you secretly do, and gives it to you.

14 comments:

Timorous Beastie said...

Bluddy 'ell Bitch, we've all been worrying about you and all this time, you've been stuffing your face with puddin'. Welcome back.

Henry North London said...

Wondered if you had swanned off to married life and had left us behind in your wake.

Pudding eh? Its ok to have lots of protein and fat but not sugar

You'll have to lo carb it like me to get the weight off See www.pig2twig.co.uk

Have lost about a stone and a bit since Mid March... Look definitely better

Time flies when youre not blogging because you get to have a life outside the computer.

Makes things worthwhile...

I remember when I didnt blog for 7 months, I had a wonderful time doing other things... I still got about 200 hits a month...

Tim Footman said...

So this is "no I'm not dead, but my arteries are so clogged I'm nearly there" is it?

Dave said...

So there we all were thinking the Pirate had secretly murdered you for the insurance money, and it turns out his mum is doing it by degrees instead.

I'm afraid, as you'd vanished from the blog-scene, that I've dropped you from the cricket team. No good having a corpse playing for us, is there?

Now you're so grossly overweight, I think you may find it hard to fight your way back into the team. Better get down to the nets straight away.

GreatSheElephant said...

Some of us were worried, y'know. *stamps foot*

Dave said...

Yes. GSE even did a blog post about it. Some of us tried sending e-mails and txts, but they all bounced back.

Henry North London said...

I cant read GSE... I know that when blogs go they either go because someone gets something new in their life ( like your puddings and MIL) or something else....

Mr Farty said...

Real life - WTF is that?

Glad to see you back in the intertubes.

Anonymous said...

Glad you're not dead.

@ henry from north london: she's moved to www.reallyquiteuseful.blogspot.com

Michael said...

Too much pudding!? Easy! Start rowing again. That's when you were at the top of your form anyway. Welcome back! I've missed you!

The Pixy Princess said...

Welcome back! I wondered if you had been abducted by pirates (seeing as it is all the rage these days). Then, I figured you prolly wouldn't mind at all...
Glad to have you back in blogland.

Mrs. Chaucer's Pirate said...

TB: Against my will, Beastie; against my will.

HNL: i can't low-carb. i'm too in love with my oatmeal. and homemade bread. and muffins. and pancakes. oh, god; i'm off to the kitchen.

Tim: something like that.

Dave: fair dues. i'm afraid i might not fit in the nets.

GSE: aw, that's really sweet. bless. sorry to have worried you.

Dave: yeah, i've been equally crap about checking email. i just totally unplugged for a while.

Farty: Reality? Whatevs. There is no spoon.

Michael: No rowing down here. Wish there was. Now I'm playing Killer Death Pyjamas instead. I'm being tested for my yellow belt shortly. Watch this space.

PP: Nope, just the one Pirate. But one's enough.

CompuNerd said...

Unplug, what is that? I can't seem to find a way to unplug since I am always plugged in. That plug just doesn't want to give.

Sal said...

>Becuase in her mind "no" means "yes" and no matter how much you scream and kick and protest that you don't want any more, she knows you secretly do, and gives it to you.

... and you love it