Yesterday I was struck by lightening. No joke. There was this moment, right before it happened, when I knew it was about to happen and I knew I couldn't do anything to stop it. Sort of like falling on a train track and looking up and seeing a speeding locomotive 10 feet away and you think "well fuck." That's how it was. I felt all the hairs on my body stand up and a tingle and I heard a soft crackle, like an untuned radio. Then there was a deafening, almighty "crack." I think the noise alone would have been enough to render me unconsious. I felt every muscle in my body seize up, and the pain in my head and chest was indescribable. I thought my head would explode and my brains spray all over. Then I collapsed, and I remember all I could do was blink. I was desperate to keep blinking becase I wanted the people nearby who saw it to know that I was still alive. I was terrified that people would think I was dead and not get help, so I just kept blinking. My skin is all grey now, and the hair has been burned off the top of my head, so I look like I have a monk's tonsure. There are 3rd degree burns on the top of my scalp as well, so the folicles may be dead and the hair may not grow back.
Thank god it was all a dream. I'm still having a hard time believing that wasn't real. It was the most vivid dream I've ever conjured. Shit, if I'm going to have dreams that vivid, why can't they be about getting double-teamed by Liam Neeson and Lucy Lawless? I'm mean really, that's just not fair!
4 comments:
Lucy Lawless? If we're talking porn stars can I be double teamed by Jenna Jameson, Jill Kelly, Asia Carerra, Sylvia Saint and Stacy Valentine.
Dreamnt that the duvet was made of glass last night and that I was bleeding to death as I slept.
Good one.
Man, you disappoint me. I though you had better taste than that. Asia Carrera i'll give you. She's a bit too smiley, but I can understand the appeal. The rest are just a bunch of plastic bitches with one facial expression (collagen) and tits that spring leaks if you poke 'em with a pin. You'd do just as well with an animatronic inflatable date. Sordid fantasies are fine, but do yourself the dignity of have sordid fantasies with class.
You're missing the point - just as if I could see Asia's winning smile, she wouldn't be doing her job properly. I'm not up for being double teamed by JJ, JK, AC, SS and SV despite the fact that they're trashy collagened and siliconed sexual automata but because they are.
Sordid fantasies don't have class. They're sordid by definition.
for one thing, there's a difference between sordid and cheap.
but, if you get off on tacky, trashy, fake and plastic, well, OK then. it takes all kinds.
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