Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Efiing Genius

The thing is, I have Asperger's syndrome. Basically this means I can't distinguish faces from one another or interpret facial expressions. Given that it's estimated that humans convey up to 80% of their intended meaning through facial expressions and other non-verbal means, this leaves me (and the thousands others with Asperger's) pretty much out in the cold. I miss a fuck lot of what's going on around me, and it's really difficult to interact with people, especially people I've just met. I won't go into the sob stories about how the kids at school would me teasing me mercilessly and i had no clue that i was being mocked, thereby fueling the frenzy. Nor will i ply you with mournful tales of the agonizing social isoloation and years upon years upon years of being FUCKING LONELY. No, i won't do that. I'm only bringing it up now because some GENIUS *snort* at MIT has invented THIS.

Are you fucking kidding me? As if it wasn't bad enough, now you've invented a computer to tell me when i'm boring or irritating people? This is supposed to HELP?!? Like I don't have enough self-esteem issues already. There are pitiful few people on the planet willing to engage in social discourse with me as it is. Now i can have a machine to show me how unpleasant i am even to this small number of people. Thank you. Thank you very much. That's just the salvation I was looking for. Why don't you numnuts go hook up with the neuroscience geeks across the street and do something about jump-starting the dead bit of my brain that is the source of my problems? That would be useful.

*stomps off muttering under breath*

7 comments:

First Nations said...

oh my god, cb. that article made me snort hot coffee out my nose.
the hell of it is, there are SOOOOO many people that should have that device clinically implanted who do NOT have aspergers. (gwbush!!and to hell with a polite little buzz; it should be hooked up to a taser in his case.)

hendrix said...

hell I'll pay to have this one implanted in some people...

Sal said...

heh. on reading your first few sentences i was just about to link you to EXACTLY that article. ha!ha!

actually, i think it'd work well. when you see the little red light come on, you know to parrot stock phrase #5 and walk away. if #5 is suitably vague yet active, you acquire a positive air of mystery and become increasingly excused any odd behaviour. win-win!


(ps, it's "aSperger's syndrome" ;)

Tabby Rabbit said...

>>The emotional social intelligence prosthetic device>> Well, with a catchy name like that it's probably safe to assume that its marketing is pretty doomed.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

i know that, sal. it was a typo. but thanks.

No Shit Sherlock said...

Is it really aSperger's? I had a friend with it and he was lovely. A complete computer geek but v. funny. I find that highly amusing. But also did you see the article 'Goth subculture helps teens' next door. Oh dear. More BS...

Warrior Two said...

My feed reader saw fit to barf this out to me now, so I'm commenting a million years later...

I'm wondering what to make of the fact that First Nations strongly recommended your blog to me, seeing as every time I date someone, I mysteriously discover--even though I *perceive* all these guys as being different from one another--that he's an Aspie. I just blew through three in a row. (Sorry for the unintended pun.)

The last one suggested that I might be, too, but I doubt it. Nevertheless, I think a lot more people are than we realize...