Friday, July 07, 2006

Hair of the Elephant

This one goes out to The Great She Elephant: genius, badass, and woman extraordinaire. This post is also for all the men out there who think that short hair makes a woman look masculine. News flash, folks: it just ain't true. There are scads of women out there with short hair; sexy women, feminine women, women you want to bring home to meet mom, women you wish were your mom, and yes, even women Every Man Wants To Fuck. I give you exhibit A: Mariska Hargitay
She's hot. She's uber-feminine. And she's NOT ALONE.

Brace yourselves, boys, this is going to be one giant photo shoot of gorgeous, short-haired women. Women who are not sexy despite the serious drawback of their dikey locks, but rather, women for whom short, choppy dos have always been a trademark.

No one would EVER accuse Julie Andrews of being a dyke, and here she is, in all her short-haired, girly glory; an icon of innocence and girly girl-next-doorness. And in her 50 year career in theatre her hair never went below her ears. (And they tell all actresses nowadays to grow their hair because no one will cast them with short hair. Fuckers.)

Sexy short-haired women come in all forms:

older women

She's smart, sixty, and very sexy. (I would.)

Black women

I don't think there's a man on earth who would deny the sex appeal of Halle Berry. (And I've seen photos of her with long hair and she looks crap.)

Crazy, badass, hardcore, rock women

I love Melissa Etheridge. Yeah, it was great when she headbanged on stage while she was playing and her long blonde hair went flying everywhere, but seriously, how cute is that cut!?!? She looks so much MORE fem now. I love it. And I love you, Melissa.

Then you've got your hordes of cute, blond chickiedoos.

Melanie Griffith

(and she landed Antonio Banderas, yo! I find it reassuring that the Sexiest Man on Earth is baning a chick with short hair. I also find it tragic that that chick isn't me.)


And the ever-cute (lets face, when she's 50 she'll still look like a 10-year-old), perpetually popular, Drew "Dimples" Barrymore.

Think that's it? Oh, I'M JUST GETTING STARTED!

How about the woman whose legs are insured by Lloyds of Llondon for 20 million dollars? Yep, it's Hollywood's Scream Queen, Jamie Lee Curtis, who's as hot as they come.

Still not convinced? Try the woman who was cast to be the face of She Whom No Man Could Turn Down, Tinseltown's most famous femme-fatale, Sharon Stone. She's sexy even when you can't see up her skirt!

Prefer brunettes? They say gentleman prefer blondes. I guess that means that assholes and jerks prefer brunettes. (That would explain me, anyway.)

I got your brunettes right here:

Let your eyes feast on Catherine Bell, of JAG fame, and Neve Campbell, who needs no introduction.

That should be more than enough to convince you that short hair can be just as sexy, beautiful, and feminine as long, flowing trusses. It can be sleek and elegant, choppy and funky, or just plain simple and practical. (Yeah, I'm still drooling over that pic of Neve.)

But just in case you require more evidence, Im laying my trump card:

Winona Ryder.

'Nuff said.


Sal said...

>all the men out there who think that short hair makes a woman look masculine.

err... guys don't say that-- GIRLS say that.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

regretably, sal, guys DO say that. lots of them. I have personally been told this on numerous occasions by numerous males. you're obviously one of the (few) good ones.

Billy said...

Julie Andrews is HOT (as are quite a few of those on your list), what was the film where she gets her baps out?

hendrix said...

Must admit CB I haven't heard a guy say it either.

It's about being at ease with your appearance anyway - no matter what the length of your hair is. If you are then that shines through and a guy won't be bothered whether you've got long hair, short hair or no hair at all. I think that the only time a guy might say that short hair makes a woman look more masculine is when the woman seems to be trying to disguise her femininity. All the examples you chose are of absolutely stunning woman, but they are all extremely feminine looking in their own ways. (I'm certainly not suggesting that women should be all frills and flounces when it comes to style btw just that they shouldn't be desperate to hide the fact that they're women)

What pisses me off though is this unwritten rule that when a woman with long hair reaches a certain age she should have it cut short.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

billy: can't remember. will ask my mom, she'll know

hc: i'm obviously acquainted with the wrong men. I have serveral, yes SEVERAL male friends who have flat out told me that they wouldn't date a woman with short hair, regardless of the rest of her appearance. I even have one male friend who told his wife he would divorce her if she cut her hair, and he wasn't joking. I assumed my male acquaintence were reasonably representative of the population at large. Perhaps i'm just haning around with the asshole minority.

First Nations said...

men so do not care. it's not the hair they want to, ahem. men TALK. missy she eleph has that short cutie curly thing going as i recall. she has no idea how cute she is.

sharon stone.
delicious sharon stone.
yummy sharon stone.
sharon, sharon stone.

no sinnead? i always thought lil' baldy was cute as a button.

First Nations said...

billy: Julies dainly dugs appeared in the movie S.O.B. not so much baps as 'afterthought' flavored pastilles.

B said...

Hmmmmmm.... Not convinced by your counterexamples. Personally I find longer thicker hair more attractive (And I don't mind under arm hair either) but hairstyle is more important. There's plenty of guys who like shorter hair (12% according to one poll I read) and about the same number of girls who have short hair 13% (poll might be crap of course) so having short hair shouldn't put a girl at any disadvantage. Threatening to divorce over hair length is really crap.

GreatSheElephant said...

aww, thanks CB. Inspiring!

krusty the baker said...

Have to say, the idea that women with short hair are attractive is not one that needs a hard sell with me. Lordy, if you can get past the nutter-factor, Sinead O'Connor is a stunner. Jamie Lee Curtis doesn't do it for me personally, but it's each to his own, isn't it? As for Julie Andrews...I'd long since bought into the idea that she was a corker.

On the wider issue of hair, I'm with B. This particular Baker is not too perturbed by a bit of hirsuteness - I like a woman to look like a woman, if you catch my drift. I'll leave it there here (?) as I've gone into this topic elsewhere.

ZB said...

The Sexiest Man on Earth -

James Cracknell circa Athens and Sydney surely.

Look, short hair is great. It's kinda tomboyish and funky and sexy and cool and can be feminine and head turning and all of those good things but long hair is cool as well. The sexiest thing about a woman is when she knows who she is regardless of whether her hair is long or short or whatever. So there.

And for the record, I've dated women with short hair and women with long hair. The only thing I've decided I don't like in girls is blonde hair. It makes you feel like you're making love to a metaphor. Which is kinda fun but not very real.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

"The sexiest thing about a woman is when she knows who she is"

Spot on. I wish more men were as open-minded as you. (Jesus, that's got to make the top 10 list of Shit I Never Thought I'd Hear Myself Say.)

Cracknell as Sexiest Man On Earth? I'd do Tim Foster first.

ZB said...

That's the rower in you talking. Every normal (non rowing) girl I know would eat Cracknell for breakfast and spit out the pips afterwards.