Thursday, September 28, 2006

Unnerswears

Why can't I buy sexy lingerie that's tasteful and isn't made for a 6-year-old? Why is this so difficult? Everything is all either neon pink plastic hollywood trashy crap that i wouldn't let my daughter wear even if she was a hooker, and the rest had fucking Disney characters on it! (well, not Disney characters engaged in the act of fornication, but you know what i mean.)

Why is it all either this:

























or this: (someone needs to explain to me how a grown woman dressing up in pastel-flowered cartoon character underwear is sexy. that Whinnie the Pooh bra just takes paedophilia to a whole new level as far as i'm concerned. making grown women look like pre-pubescent children is just creepy. like shaving your crotch.)










Why is there nothing in between!?!?!?!? mumph.

18 comments:

Kieran said...

I'm the least appropriate person to advise on that topic. I'd like to thank you, however, for ensuring my colleagues think I'm a porn surfing paedo. Earlier I was on Gorilla Banana's website and there was a picture of a semi-naked lady there too. I feel wretched.

hendrixcat said...

Berlei do very pretty/sexy lingerie or try La Perla and Wolford. If you buy it in John Lewis they even giftwrap it for you if you ask them nicely.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

Kieran, just be glad they didn't see the title of the blog and assume you were into scat porn. that would have been truly embarassing!

HC: i'll look to see if we have any of those stores here in brizzle. thanks for the tip.

Loganoc said...

Bitch, you should go to M&S. They have great quality nice underwear that fits well and isn't even expensive. I recommend the "adored" range.

Ezri said...

Oh, please don't tell me things like this. I'm already paralyzed at the thought of having to shop for a hen night. We have all of one place to go here, unfortuneately named, "Eve's Garden" - God help me. So now you're going to tell me that in addition, armed with only a sheet of measurements, I shall be going in to choose for my friend, something of the Winnie the Pooh variety, or something that will henceforth scar my brain with the thought of it's actually being used. Can I request pictures of His Fuzzy Roundness for the next post?

Chaucer's Bitch said...

You want me to post photos of the Pirate's balls? Sorry, ducky, even i have limits. Luv u!

Hannah said...

I'm with Loganoc. Get thee to an M&S, post-haste.

First Nations said...

Hanes U.S. makes nice comfy cotton ones that don't have duckies and wagons on them. for classier looking styles i like Olga.
did you know that 'hello kitty' makes adult sizes?

everyone: EEEEUW!

No Shit Sherlock said...

Don't whinge. When you get to my size, all you can get is two Walmart bags with varying lengths of string attached. As well as the oh-so-attractive (but v. comfy) old lady bloomers. Hmph.
Try Victoria's Secrets.

No Shit Sherlock said...

Oh wait, is it Ann Summer? One of the two....

Tim Footman said...

Why is the woman on the right supporting her boob with her hand? Is her bra not up to the job?

hendrixcat said...

Judging from the photo - no, it isn't. It's about 3 cup sizes too small.

krusty the baker said...

Why is there nothing in between? The shaving thing is something I just don't understand. Is it comfortable? Do women do it through choice or because they think it's sexier? Very liberated... It is just creepy.

homo escapeons said...

You had me from unnerswears.
LOL! What a hoot. It is true that there isn't much to choose from in the middle of the road category.

But it is the same for us men..
either the tighty whities
or the euro style scrotum strangling any-colour-you-like-as-long-as-its-red hemorrhoid hemorrhaging thong!

ZB said...

Hell, call me a sad old man being led by his dick through marketed images of what constitutes sexy, provocative feminimity but the three models at the top of the blog...?

I would. Whether they're wearing jeans and a t shirt or 'neon pink plastic hollywood trashy crap.' And it the hookers in Manchester looked like them, I would as well and hang the stigma.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

K the B: yes, shaving is very creepy. I'm glad SOMEone agrees with me.

Homo: black boxer briefs. nuf said.

ZB: Yes darling, but my point was that I don't want to have to wear lingerie like that to look sexy. I wanted something pretty w/o being trashy, feminine w/o being girly. You are free to boink whomever you like, but that doesn't change how I feel about the limite variety of women's lingerie.

ZB said...

Turn up on my doorstep wearing a Newcastle United top with Shearer's name and number on the back and you'll have a more direct impact upon my libido than by getting breast implants and something in black lace.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

*jots down for future reference*