Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The Loot

This is the post where I tell you about all the neato stuff I got for my birfday. Mum and dad sent much needed $$$. Sr. Aunt PITA also sent $ and a book titled "Mysteries of the Middle Ages." (It looks interesting, but I question the scholarship and the agenda of the author. Will read with grain of salt near at hand.) The bro and sis-in-law sent me one of these:


Yay! now i can make my own smoothies and creamed soups and all kinds of yumminess. (Frozen cocktails has nothing to do with it, I swear.)



But the biggest surprises of all came from the Pirate and his parents.

(are you excited yet? I bet you're getting excited. You guys eat this shit up like a flock of seagulls on a corpse in a landfill.*)

Well! A package arrived in the mail, and it was Royal Mail not international so I knew it wasn't from my fam. I didn't recognize the handwriting, so I knew it wasn't any of the handful of friends I had scattered around the country. It was wrapped in brown paper and tied up with string. (I shit you not. My life really has become a Julie Andrews movie. {Not "Victor Victoria"}) I tore it open. It was a gigantic, gorgeous book titled, "Masterpieces of Illumination: the most significant manuscripts from 600 to 1400." Somebody knows me pretty damn well. I was really touched.

It was Friday evening, the day of my actual anniversary of entering the world (after a 17-hour labor, which I'm told was attributed to my shaving my legs and deciding what to wear**). The Man Himself came over, fairly late as he'd been training that evening for a national sports competition. He took me in his arms and said...

(are you salivating yet?)

"For your birthday present....

later this weekend...

I'm taking you over to Bath...

(and yes, he really was pausing after every clause, in a warped, Shatner-esque attempt to build suspense. It worked.)

where all the nice shops are...

to go shopping for...

(by this point I was almost hyperventilating)

a...

new...

evening gown!"

Ok, so it wasn't small, round, and shiny. But still, how fucking cool is that???? I've never gotten to pick out a proper gown before. I own 2, but one is a leftover from when I was a bridesmaid and I didn't get to select it, and the other I bought for 2 reasons and 2 reasons only: 1, it fit; and 2, it was cheap. I bought it to be disposable, and I've been wearing it for 3 years. So The Pirate is taking me out to doll me up in proper, high-class evening attire, along with all the necessary tailoring and underpinnings. Whoo-hoo!

We spent all day Sunday in Bath, but there was nothing. Only a few evening gowns left in the shops, and nothing to write home about. (Apparently it's not the season for purchasing formal evening wear.) After a disappointing afternoon in which I only managed to even try on 2 dresses, the Pirate is already hatching a plan to take me to London, where the shopping is legendary. Sa-weet. This is going to be phun with a capital "ph." I'll post pics when we find something we like. :0)

(and I can't help but wonder if the reason he wants to get me new gown is because he has some specific event in mind where I will need such an ensemble. I wouldn't say it's likely, but it's just possible. Stay tuned...)


*Note to self: insulting readership probably not best way to win friends and influence people.

**Ironic, as I've not shaved my legs since and I really don't give a toss about what I've got on.

14 comments:

Melissa said...

Please do post pics if you find something you like - how else can I shop vicariously?

Sounds like a great birthday!

Billy said...

Now you can make a yummers cheese and pineapple smoothie!

Lorna said...

Happy Birthday (belatedly)! I'm staring 28 in the face, so tell me it's not too awful...

Apparently frozen watermelon daquiris are good: cube watermelon, freeze overnight and then blend with loads of rum, sugar etc... Mind you, there's a lot to be said for cheese and pineapple smoothies too ;)

Hannah said...

Well, that sounds fairly fantabulous!

I can sympathise on the not-finding-things front: I've been balldress shopping recently, and there is just nothing around in January. So the party season is over; what about the balls, people?! Even Monsoon let me down. Did, however, manage to find a gorgeous, red column dress in the Coast sale. Now on a mission for the perfect shoes...

And I'm going to stop now because this is just turning into a rambling stream of consciousness...

Have phun in London!

Artist once known as Dave said...

Taking you shopping. For clothes. It must be love.

ZB said...

Ok, so it wasn't small, round, and shiny.

Okay, so maybe you need to stop worrying about it happening and let it happen...

Happy Birthday. You lucky young thing.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

melissa: actually, i found one i really like right here in brizzle. have to get the P in to see if he likes it too. (it's a bit racey, but i think i can pull it off...)

billy: EW!

lorna: frozen watermelon daqueris sound awesome! gonna try that one fur shur.

Hannah: yep, tried Coast, Karen Millen, Monsoon, all those. One (seriously snotty bitchy) woman in a bridal shop suggested i try TK Maxx. Condescending bitch.

AOK Dave (are you A-OK?!): golly i hope so!

ZB: I'm not worrying. i'm not expecting, demanding, or whining. I'm just hoping. and grinning an awful lot in the meantime.

hendrix said...

Nothing wrong with the hoping and expecting bit - anticipation makes it all the sweeter.

If you do go to London - try John Lewis or Fenwicks. I know they sound terribly fuddy duddy but JL usually have a good range of ballgowns/evening wear.

PS. Of course you can carry it off!

Da Nator said...

Wow. So I guess I missed the VH1 "Where Are They Now" episode where A Flock of Seagulls became junkyard-trolling cannibals. I guess that's to be expected, considering the concept album about alien abduction and the massive ingestion of hairspray...

Spinsterella said...

Happy Birthday!

(I have absolutely no idea where I was for my 28th)

Being 30 (or ever 31) really isn't that bad.

First Nations said...

1. good gravy MARIE. thirty. wah, wah, wah, ah am a rower with a hot body and a hot boyfriend and an education thats SEXY AS HELL and ah am turnin thirty in two mo years! wah! oh wah!
2. I MUST STEAL THAT BOOK. you know which one.
3. i am also SHOCKED AND APPALLED that nothing in london is open all night. wtf? theres places open all night in Bellingfrickenham for fucksakes.
go for the daring dress! after all, someone aging at the obscene rate you are better go for the gusto before altzheimers sets in.
XOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Betty said...

I'm with First Nations on this one. God, it must be awful to be twenty eight. I hope it never happens to me. As for the gown, go for something which lets it all hang out. Make the most of your assets before the Napoleonic March Of The Cellulite, which happens when you're ... twenty nine. Heh heh.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

HC: re ps- thanks, but i think you may slightly overestimate the aesthetic appeal of my physique.

da nator: ??? luv, i have NO IDEA what you're on about.

spin: thank you! and that's good to hear.

FN: 1, point taken. 2, you're welcome to borrow it anytime. come for a visit!!! 3, NO KIDDING! i've never before found myself longing for a fucking MEIJER'S! 4, i love sarcasm. :o)

betty: fnar fnar.

Da Nator said...

Sorry, CB. I forgot that you're a BABY and thus DON'T KNOW ANY EIGHTIES BANDS.

Now hand me my walker.