Thursday, May 24, 2007

In Splinters

After 3 days in bed with the Pirate's man-cold I'm feeling better and can now tell you all the extraordinary goings-on of the past week. (You'll like this, really.)

The Pirate had 5 cricket games in a row this week, from Saturday to Wednesday. Sunday's and Monday's games were both on the outskirts of London, so it made sense to stay overnight rather than drive back to Bristol Sunday night and all the way east again on Monday morning. I managed to find a nice B&B in Aylesbury for just 30 pounds for the night (which basically paid for itself, since that's how much the petrol to drive home and back would have cost).


Sunday morning we set off for the cricket match. I had a tickle in my throat, the first symptom of the cold from which the P was recovering. I knew I was doomed.

It was a lovely day, and after watching the P bowl the first 6 overs I fell asleep in the grass with my new friend, Carter,* and napped until lunch. The day passed pleasantly. The Pirate's team lost, but the P batted decently and bowled superbly, so he was reasonably satisfied. I spent most of the afternoon dozing in the sun or making friends with the horses in the nearby paddocks.

The most exciting moment of the day came during lunch, when one of the player's brown pointer discovered a lamb that had somehow got onto the field from the adjacent pasture. The lamb had been sitting in the corner all morning, quietly minding its own business and watching the match. Then the dog found it.

I really didn't know lambs could run like that. It actually out-ran the pointer. We were well impressed.

After the dog was re-leashed, the lamb was escorted back to its proper side of the fence, and the last of the tea had been drunk, the atmosphere returned to pre- predator/prey calm and the game resumed.

Come the evening we (the P and I) were both worn out, me becuase I was getting sicker by the minute and he because he bowled 12 overs while still recovering from his own cold.

(Bear with me; this is where it really starts to get good.)

We hopped in the car, and after lending assistance to an opponent who needed a jump-start, made our way to the Duck-In Village Inn in Aylesbury. I highly recommend it. We had a huge en-suite room with two giant french doors leading out onto the garden. The room was clean and nicely appointed, the staff was friendly, and the food in the restaurant/pub was very good indeed. We could have cheerfully spent the whole weekend there, rather than the 12 hours we had from our arrival sunday night to our early departure Monday morning.

It was our first time away together at a location other than one of our parents' homes. Being the sentimental female, I wanted to make a big, romantic to-do of it. I packed my prettiest satin night gown and my laciest panties. I even took a votive candle and holder (bonus points for remembering the matches, too) and a bottle of massage oil. I mean I pulled out all the stops, kidlings.

After dinner in the pub the Pirate had to run out to the car to get something he forgot. I took the opportunity to set the mood. I brushed my teeth, lit the candle, got into my delicates, and waited. When the Pirate came into the room he exclaimed "Why the hell are the lights off?! I can't see a thing!" and flipped the switch back on. Then he saw what I was wearing, and got the message. Off again went the lights.

I flopped on the (queen-sized) bed to test the mattress (flopped, mind you. I did not jump). There was an almighty "CRACK!" We both froze.

"What the hell was that?" I asked.

"That," he replied, "was the sound of possibly the funniest thing you have ever done in your life."

He flipped the light on and we looked under the bed. The main 2x4 timber running from the head to the foot of the bed had properly split asunder, and was in splinters in the middle.** Do you have any idea how much force it takes to break a 2x4 in half??? I didn't think I weighed that much!

So there ya go. Our very first night together in a hotel, and we broke the bed. :-)

*a very mushy, lovey, Staffordshire bull terrier. He belonged to one of the other players, but was very content to have his belly scratched by anyone and even happier to have a nap-buddy.

** if you should ever find yourself staying at the Duck-In Village Inn in Aylesbury, ask for a room other than room 3. The bed in there isn't very strong. ahem.


Lorna said...

Those lacy negligees can be pretty heavy, I hear ;)

Mangonel said...

So who got the splinters in their back? And what did you tell the staff? Did you tell them then (in your lacies) or did you wait 'til morning?

I don't really have the time to comment, it's just that '1 pithy comebacks' just looks wrong.

And I realy want to know!

GreatSheElephant said...

"We" broke the bed... "we?"

Anyway, don't mind me. I've just been stood up for a date so what do I know

Anonymous said...

OMGosh - I just stumbled across your blog - you made me laugh out loud with the bed remark!
Thanks for brightening my day.

Nancy - BrookPark Ohio USA.

hendrix said...

Definitely one to tell the great-grandchildren! Thanks for posting that CB, it did make me laugh!

(But I have to be a a bit cross with the person who let their dog off the leash anywhere near sheep at lambing time much less allowed it to chase a lamb. Even if there was a fence between the cricket ground and the field they were in, it was a very silly thing for them to do. Sorry for lecture, result of years of living up in the Pennines.)

Babs said...


I'd have moved to another country and changed my name.

After removing all witnesses, natch.

First Nations said...

yeah, we believe you. suuuure.

that sounds idyllic! so, so romantic and right out of a novel.

homo escapeons said...

I am wondering if you did a half gainer in mid-air to build up momentum?
You will certainly never forget that moment. I would have some serious issues with the Fates for ruining the moment! I trust that the floor joists held up without incident during plan 'B'.

I would be mad at the owner of the 'loose' dog too. If that 'nice' dog would have caught the lamb, it probably would have instinctively torn the lamb's fuzzy little jugular wide open.
Irresponsible owners ((sigh))

realdoc said...

Having spent many freezing afternoons huddling on the side of a cricket pitch I think you'll find the attraction will wear off soon. I never managed to get a romantic evening in a B&B out of it, broken bed or not.