Saw "Pirates" on Friday. It's long.
Almost 3 hours long.
And when you consider that the movie didn't begin until after more than 30 minutes of commercials and previews, and that it takes 20 minutes to drive to the theatre (and back), plus time for standing in line for tickets and then again for snax, you're looking at -- conservatively -- giving 4 and a half hours of your life to this endeavour. (I wonder if Jerry Bruckheimer actually watches the movies he makes? I bet he doesn't have to wait in line for snax. I bet he cuts to the front.)
It's also wierd.
Very, very wierd. Which is why I liked it.
All three 'Pirates' movies did very different things. The first one was your basic, Disney, action/adventure swashbuckling flick (although not as good as The Three Musketeers). The second one was a spoof of pretty much every other movie ever made. This one got way more into the supernatural. It made the boundaries between this world and the next more fluid. It was (a bit) more pshycological. It even tried to have emotional/psycological angst between Kiera Nightly and Orlando Bloom. (Here's a tip, kids: stick to looking cute. Neither of you could act your way out of a wet paper bag.)
That's not to say it proffered any great philosophical viewpoints, but I will give it this: there were parts of it that were really, genuinely original and creative. Stuff that made you think where the fuck did they come up with that??? And of course Jonny Depp is still the King of Entrances. Him and Miss Piggy. Ruling monachs of campy cinema over-the-top theatricality. I confess there were parts that actually had me stamping my feet and squealing with delight, like when (warning: tiny tiny insignificant spoiler approaching) he appears on the screen at the helm of a ship that is sailing on dry land. It was just so damn cool on so many levels.
And there were a couple really memorable lines.
But that was about it. It had superb elements: quotable lines, wierd and creative imagery, and camp theatricality, Keith Richards being The King of Asss-kicking Cool, but there was little more. Plot-wise it managed to move quite swiftly throught its 2 hour and 48 minute running time, and it managed to do it without me even once looking at my watch to see how much film remained, but I can't actually remember much of the plot. It was fairly forgettable. There were good guys and bad guys (who swapped roles a few times), there were disguises and sword fights and shipwrecks and the annoying guy with the wooden eyeball, but most of the film was pretty ho-hum once the buzz of the Dolby surround sound system died from your ears and in the cold light of morning you actually tried to recall what about the previous night's adventures had been so great, even though you're sure you were having fun at the time.
So I guess my verdict is this: it's worth seeing on the big screen because some of the imagery was really spectacular and would truly lose something on TV, but wait a month until the crowds have died down, there aren't as many commercials at the beginning, and take your own junk food. I'm giving it 3 sticky Junior Mints and an unpopped kernel.