who should be bludgeoned about the head and shoulders until dead. even if they already are.
(a mememememe from First Nations)
1. John Gower (late 14th C), for being a self-righteous, moralizing cunt AND for being it in the most pedantic rhyming verse ever penned. His rhymes and meter are perfect. Never a dropped syllable, ever. Reading the Confession Amantis is like being hypnotized by the world's most arrogant metronome.
2. JK Rowling, for turning Harry Potter into the fucking messiah and making the whole thing another fucking Christian allegory. And for killing Fred Weasley.
3. Whoever wrote "Cheaper By The Dozen." I don't know who you are. We've never met. And I don't even remember the book. What I do remember is my mom yelling at me 4 times a week for 10 years to read the fucking thing. I managed to get through 3 chapters before I couldn't stand another word. The book itself probably wasn't that loathesome, but I can feel nothing but hatred for the author who penned the book my mom used as a torture device for the better part of a decade.
4. Aldous Huxley. Sort of. First time I read Brave New World I hated it. Second time I decided it might not completely suck. Third time I loved it. I guess Huxley is one of those writers who grows on you. Like mildew.
5. Ann Rice. The literary equivaltent of a 12-year-old wearing lipstick and high heels. She tries so hard to sound grown-up and sophisticated, but it's clearly an act.
6. Hemmingway. There's minamalist, and then there's half-finished. Hemmingway is the literary equivalent of the Eiffel Tower. Everyone says how great it is in public because that's what you're supposed to say and it's sacriligious to suggest otherwise, but ask someone in private and they'll admit it looks like the builders ran out of money min-construction. Hemmingway writes girders.
7. All Hollywood screen writers and sitcom writers.
8. Virginia Wolfe. Get over yourself.
9. All postmodernists. All of them.
10. All copywriters and editors who can't punctuate correctly. Mere death is insufficient.