I'm so sorry, guys. I know I've been rubbish about posting lately. I've been so busy i havn't had time to fart, never mind anything else. I havn't forgotten about you, though, and I still love you all.
Here's the past week in summary, titled "Why the Pirate is a Complete and Utter Muppet"
1. Last week he said "Let's go see Chicago at the Hippodrome." I said "Ok" and asked him what night he wanted to go. "Friday," he declared. Fine. I bought tickets for last Friday. On Thursday I emailed HIM to ask about his cricket schedule for the weekend, and he said "I'm playing in Aldershot on Friday."
I wrote back and reminded him about Chicago, and asked how he planned to finish a cricket match at 7 pm, shower, change, and drive 2 hours back to Bristol in time for a 7:30 curtain.
"Shite shite shite shite shite shite" was the response.
As it happens he left the match early (was all through batting), drove 100 mph, and got here at 8 o'clock. He missed the Cell Block Tango, but saw everything after that.
2. Sunday Pirate had no cricket, owing to the rain. He's been saying for ages that he wanted to go to John Lewis and buy the biggests, softest, fluffiest feather pillows money could buy, so I suggested we spend the afternoon at the mall. Sadly the auto show and the rain meant that there were double the crowds and half the parking spaces of normal. After salivating over the Aston Martins we made it into John Lewis, who were, rather serendipitously, having a pillow sale. I shit you not.
After a salesladay gave us a thorough introduction to the finer points of pillow purchasing, Pirate decided to get one of the crazy expensive ones that normally go for £70 but were marked down to £35.
Did you notice that? Yes, ONE pillow. ONE.
I have spent every single weekend at his house for the past year (minus only the 3 months last fall when he was overseas on business). And he buys ONE pillow.
So I said, rather tactfully, that maybe I should buy one of the cheap ones (since I can't afford to blow £35 on a pillow, even if I thought that was a good idea) so that I would have someplace to lay my head when I stayed over. I thought this would clue him in to the fact that he really needed to buy 2 pillows. Did it fuck.
He said, "that's a good idea." And so there I was having to buy my own fucking pillow so I'd have something to sleep on when I go over to his place.
I can't describe to you my level of annoyance, or my surprise at the breadth of his cluelessness. I asked my dad, that automatic handy-dispenser of wisdom, if I was over reacting. "Yes and no," he said. "His head was in the up and locked position, but men are like that so there's no point getting upset about it. It's like shouting at the rain." *sigh*
3. Yesterday he was returning on the train from London to his home near Chippenham. He rang me from the train and said "Damnit, I must have slept through my stop. We're coming in to Bristol Parkway and I don't remember going through Chippenham at all."
We figured out later that's because there are 2 routes from London to Bristol. The one that terminates at Temple Meads goes through Chippenham. He got on the other one, that terminates at Parkway and misses Chippenham completely.
4. In order to get to Chippenham he had to go on to Temple Meads and connect there to the other line. So as long as he was in town he came round for dinner. Which was nice, as I had slow-roasted a beef brisket in red wine and garlic for the last 4 hours, and it was smelling goooooood.
I met him at the station, and smiled at the sight of him, all dooded up in his brand new made-to-measure blue pin-striped suit. Day-am! There's hot and there's hot. That man can wear a suit. Oh yes.
He opens the jacket to put his ticket away, and discovers that the weight of his enormous wallet (which was probably full of pound coins for parking meters) had pulled the lining right out of the jacket, and there were 2 huge holes in it. It was the first time he'd worn it.
The man is on a roll, really.
I'll be gone for the weekend. Have a good one, and I'll see what I can do about posting the lurid bits of the Summer Ball next week. Don't get sunburnt! :-D