Thursday, August 30, 2007

Reality Bites

sounds like a new product, doesn't it? [read in cheezy announcer voice] "Try new Reality Bites! The little chunks of life that are hard to swallow!" Hmm. Needs a jingle. You wanna get on that, Herebe?

I'm still chewing on the Reality Bite that the Pirate fed me this weekend. Still havn't managed to swallow it. (get your collective filthy minds out of the gutter.)

Basically, he got the news from his boss of where and when the company will be transferring him. We knew this was coming, and he told me about it last year. But last summer it seemed so far away still, and it was all so abstract -- undefined date, undefined location -- that it was easy to forget. Now that he's been told where (a city 2 1/2 hours drive from bristol) and when (January fucking 2nd) it's a lot more real.

There's a bit more to the story, but the gist is that as of the New Year we'll officially be a long-distance couple. Blech.

19 comments:

Rimshot said...

That sucks. I can empathize with you, having just ended a 3 year long distance relationship (Chicago/Las Vegas). Chin up, though! Two and a half hours is not as bad as all that. Now, moving in the dead of winter, THAT sounds most unpleasant. Is there no chance of you 'tagging' along and/or him finding alternate employment?

Chaucer's Bitch said...

No chance of either. He really loves his job, and it's a great career, so even I agree it would be unwise to quit. And I can't 'tag along' because a) I want to commit to rowing with Bristol this year, which means staying in Bristol, and b) Pirate is very opposed to co-habitation prior to wedlock.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

so you just ended your relationship after 3 years long term? thanks, that cheered me up.

Rimshot said...

Nooooo, not BECAUSE of the long distance. Let me rephrase: I can empathize as I, too, have experienced a long term relationship and know first hand the unique opportunities and challenges. But even within those constraints managed a three year, serious, monogamous relationship from which I was able to grow as a person. Turns out she was the devil tho' so ...

Valerie said...

Le suck! But, Rob and I survived 1.5 years of being an hourlong plane-ride apart and lived to tell the tale. Still together, 14 years later. It is NOT FUN, and you are allowed to whine about it as much as you want, but it can be survived, and sometimes the sex is better actually ;-)

homo escapeons said...

Love is a decision that two people have to make every morning.

I need to write a book so that I can cram every relationship cliche that has been uttered since the advent of the self help/pop psychology tsunami that has swamped our bookstores since I'm OK You're OK.

What can I say. It will be tough, but atleast it is only 2 1/2 hours..that could have been WAY worse.

Dave said...

Tell him to buy a sports car so that he can get to you quickly.

Oh, he has.

hendrix said...

A 2 1/2 hour drive away isn't too bad - that means it's about an hour and half by train so it probably won't be too expensive for you travel across to see him at the weekends (if you book your train ticket in advance you can get some really cheap deals - last time I traveled from Edinburgh to Newcastle it cost me only £18 return and that's a 2 1/2 drive away).

Long distance relationships can work - they just take a bit of effort. When F and I first got together, we dated for about a month and then he had to travel for his job so for the following 6 months I didn't see him at all. When he did get back to London I was living in Edinburgh, so for the next 4 months I traveled down every Friday night and went back to Edinburgh every Sunday evening. Even after we did live together he was touring so a lot of the time he was away from home.

It was awful and I missed him terribly (I still hate him going away) so I'm not going to pretend that it will be a breeze.

But if you're determined, you can make it work. Keep in touch constantly (be prepared for your phone bills to go up considerably!) even if it's just a text to say goodnight. Write letters to each other, they're a lot more private than an email...and the nice thing about letters is that you can carry them around and read them again and again. Send each other presents. Make plans for when you meet so that then you have something to look forward to...

Oh and make sure you've got someone around who will patiently listen to you bang on and on and on about how much you miss him...Poor Jgirl - she must have wanted to slam my head against a wall for those 6 months F was away.

Frobisher said...

Love will find a way!

Chaucer's Bitch said...

rimshot: yeah, it always sucks when you discover the object of your affection is actually satan spawn. bummer, that.

val: i find it unfathomable that the sex could actually get better, but you never know!

homo: on this side of the pond 2 1/2 hours is considered a lot. as north americans we have a much better sense of scale.

dave: bastard speed limits.

HC: the other bit i didn't mention before is that we've talked about it and we've agreed that i shouldn't give up rowing. rowing means i can't travel on the weekends, period, so the burden of travel to see on another will be entirely on him. Pirate is in agreement with this, but I still feel bad about it.

your other suggestions seem quite helpful, though. i wrote him lots of letters when his employer sent him to west africa for 3 months last autumn, and he seemed to appreciate that.

what made that bearable was that it was a finite separation. when he left we knew exactly when he'd be back. this time, i don't know what the end looks like.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

frobi: that's what i'm clinging to.

First Nations said...

listen to them up above there. i've never dealt with it.

ok, someone has to say it.
no problem with renting a room with one bed for the weekend before marriage, but what; signing a lease is a no-no? that's more about appearances than faith.
you probably realize this, but i had to point it out so i could shake my head and go 'tch'. like i'm superior? HELL no. I grew up with the same 'values'!
are you SURE the guy isn't catholic? :)

Da Nator said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Da Nator said...

1. Lots of people have a longer commute to work every day that 2 & 1/2 hours, if that makes you feel any better.

2. If not, have you considered buying an ultralight?

Rimshot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lorna said...

Oh, boo: what rotten news. Much sympathy. If it's any help, though, I know several couples who've pulled through long-distance relationships (in one case she was in London and he was somewhere in the American midwest for much of the time), and they all made it. Two couples even got married...

And, as Dave says, at least you've got two cars between you ;)

Timorous Beastie said...

That's too bad. Beast and I survived a year of being a 12 hour flight and then a 2 hour flight apart. Actually, it was much easier than living in the same apartment.

Geosomin said...

2 and a half hours...sad but not the end of things. My husband and I did that for about 8 months or so in the first year we were dating and then the last months before we decided to and got married. It sort of makes you decide what you want out of things...which can be giood or bad depending on how you think of it.
It wasn't easy, but we made it thu.
In a way it was very freeing to have more time for things...and then visits were a lot more focused. I actually got a lot done during that time school/work wise, as I had a lot of time and energy to focus on other things...
With your pirate being at a new job and all he'll be crazy busy the first while anyways, so perhaps it's not a bad thing.
Dust off some things you've been meaning to get to, perhaps?

Rimshot said...

Two words: Books on Tape.

If you'd like, I will send you my copy of 'The Rule of Four' on CD.