Thursday, November 08, 2007

Danger, danger Will Robinson!

Someone from my high school past has found me and is commenting anonymously! Ooh, spooky! Who could it be? How did he/she/it find me? Did they lurk for a time and slowly put together the clues, remember the personality, and work out who I was? Was it someone who came looking for my internet identity specifically? Was it someone to whom I gave the URL a long time ago and completely forgot they had it? I knew a LOT of people in high school, but had very, very few friends. Is this person friend or foe?

Lets unravel the clues and see if we can narrow it down, shall we?
  • The first thing we know is that Anon. is someone who knew me before 1996, and knew me well enough to remember that I hit a deer with my car. (It was a new/old car as well, my very first time driving it to school. A giant, gentle, lumbering 1987 Buick LaSabre in manatee grey. I liked that car, but it forever had the shadow of that tragic day over it.) This suggests it was one of my inner coven: Jayson, Steve, Rick, Joe, or Jacob. (Yes, all guys. I didn't get along very well with girls. They were mostly 2-faced and shrill.) There are a couple teachers who might, conceivably, have remembered the incident, but Mrs. L. is too busy to spend hours on t'internet playing with blogs, same with MEM. I could possibly see Art Cynic hanging out in blogland, but he wouldn't play goofy games of hide-and-seek in the comments. He'd just insult me and be done with it. So let's stick with the list of friends we've got going.
  • The second thing we notice in Anon's comment under the post about locking myself out is that he uses capitals and punctuation marks correctly, and does not abbreviate anything. This likely eliminates Jayson. We haven't kept in touch in years, but he would be more the type to write with more internet jargon and slang.
  • The next comment is also revealing. This is an individual who doesn't trust assumptions, but likes to have facts confirmed before presenting a response. A lower-case "i" notwithstanding, everything is still correctly spelled and punctuated, a true rarity in these short-cut times. It's a professional, almost legalistic attention to detail. Finally, there is the phrase "blue marble," a metaphor for the Earth. Our Anonymous commentor has something of the poet about him. That eliminates Steve, bless his methodical heart.
  • Next comment: ooh, now we come to it! A Star Wars reference! That could easily have been Jayson, Steve, or Joe, and we've already eliminated Jayson and Steve. I had been leaning towards Rick, on the grounds that if it had been Joe there would have been a sexual innuendo by now. But neither Rick nor Jacob would never use a Star Wars reference; couldn't never see what all the fuss was about. The rest of us were all proper freaks, tho. And Joe was always good for a laugh, like to play and tell jokes.
THEREFORE: based on the three comments in the previous post, my guess is that my anonymous commenting friend is none other than Joe Price: mathematician, pianist, and comic extrordinaire!

If I'm right, reveal (or indeed revile) yourself now! If I'm wrong, give us another clue?


Anonymous said...

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Try again...

Who said it was High School? Couldn't anyone else know anything?

Chaucer's Bitch said...

I assumed High School since that's when I killed the dear. But if I don't know you from HS, that leaves 2 possibilities, logically speaking:

1. someone i knew in 1996, but not from school, ie. family or other acquaintence

2. someone i met later on and told about the traumatic incident, possibly someone from college.

but i've got a sneaking suspicion it's the former.

that you, Big Bro?

Anonymous said...

Try Again...

No one ever said no to High School.

Keep thinking. You don't always have to trust what you think or feel. :)

Chaucer's Bitch said...

ok jerkwad, if you were a christmas present i'd've had you figured out by now. how about you wrap yourself up and mail yourself over here? one shake of the box and i'll have you sussed!

seriously, give me clue. a REAL clue.


Rimshot said...

You killed a 'dear'? Perhaps those 10 years of schooling aren't paying off (ok, really, I'm sure it's 'cuz you're sicky-poo, but I couldn't resist)

And who says 'jerkwad'? :-)

Simon said...

Its the deer!

Henry North London said...

This is intriguing, thank God I blog under an assumed name or anyone or everyone I have ever known would come and give me stick but then again I think I turned off the anonymous feature...

It's one way of getting rid of stalker types who belong to the dark side of the force.

Frobisher said...

My first suspicion was a relative of the deer, then Professor Plum in the Library with the lead pipe.

Can't you trace the IP address of the anon. commentator? - I can't do it myself, but it can be done fairly easily I understand. Everyone leaves a trail wherever they visit.

Timorous Beastie said...

Frobisher - don't tell me those things. Scary!

Anonymous said...

"The Force is strong with this one."

Jerkwad -- what kind words you speak of me. :) I do have to agree, who says 'Jerkwad' anymore.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

rimmy: ta for the sympathy.

simon: shit, you mean i'm being haunted!

HNL: i use an assumed name as well (obv), and my real name appears no where on this webpage

Frobi: i've heard that's possible, but i have no idea how to do. anyone?

TB: afraid your students might out you?

Anon: The Force is strong with me? Does that mean I'm getting warmer? Shall we play Hot & Cold? (Who says 'jerkwad?' Children of the 80's, duuuude!!)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, but even children of the 80's know when not to say stuff like that.

So let us see. Children of the 80's. That means that Rad, awesome, totally tubular are out then too, right?

Chaucer's Bitch said...

dude, it was just a bit of gentle ribbing. i'm sorry you were bothered, but seriously, chill out.

this was fun at first, but you're not actually playing. you tell me you know me, but you don't give me any idea as to your identity. i played along, i made a few guesses, but it's your turn to out yourself. who are you?

Anonymous said...

Sorry, just playing around. If you like games, let's play one.

5 questions. Make them general, and non descriptive. Let's see what I can answer and you can't use the question, What is your name?

Henry North London said...

Can I ask one of them cos I really am intrigued?

What date did you last meet Chaucer's Bitch in real life i.e. in the flesh as it were....?

Anonymous said...

Can't remember the exact date but it was in 1994, summerish.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

You're not the only one who's intrigued, HNL. That's a good question you asked.

1994??? That's more than 2 years before the deer incident! So you must be someone with whom I kept in touch if you were to know about it.

1994 is also the year my older brother graduated high school, which makes me wonder if you aren't someone in his class, but his closest friends i've seen loads of time since then, and i can't think of anyone else in his graduating class that i kept in contact with. unless...

are you sure about that year? for a moment there i thought you might have been Hot Andy, but that doesn't jive with the date you gave. also eliminates all my brother's college chums. hmmm. i think i'm going to need another question.

How about: what is your current occupation? or is that too descriptive?

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the validation of the year for me. Keeping track of years is a real pain. Ok, so let me modify that year. Summerish of 93. That is the correct year. I do apologize for the wrong information there.

I won't tell you the occupation as that is well too close but I can tell you a few things that I do know.

1996: "Year of the Deer" you were a junior in High School.

In that incident, if I recall correctly, the deer was killed but the only damage to your car was the front grill and you did get teased about it by some of the class members higher than you for a period of time.

Trying to think what else I can tell you I know. Suggestions? :)

Chaucer's Bitch said...

actually in the fall of '96 I was a senior in high school, and graduated the next spring, '97. But since I haven't seen you since 1993 that's an entirely forgivable mistake.

Your memory of the incident is spot on, though. just a small dent to the hood and a few teeth of the grill kicked out. Are you the mechanic from the garage on the corner? ;-p (and i got teased by absolutely everyone. it was horrible.)

1993, huh. Well that does open up some interesting possibilities. 93 was the year I spent 3 weeks at Northwestern University studying modern world literature, made some great friends, and concluded the nerd camp with an all-night STAR WARS viewing marathon!

am i getting warmer?

GreatSheElephant said...

hmm, another reason not to enable anonymous comments.

I'm not intrigued, I'm creeped out.

Anonymous said...

Ok, Sorry, again a mistake. 96 when the incident happened you were a junior. What I do remember was that you were very impressed that everyone who hit a deer put thousands of dollars of damage on their vehicles and you only had a few small dents/scratches on yours.

I also didn't say I last time I saw you was '93, that was the timeframe of when I first met you and that would be late summerish of that year before you started High School.

Is that any better.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

no, 96 when the incident happened in was a senior, like i said above.

now you're not saying we last saw each other in 93, but that we first met in 93? That makes a HUGE difference!

do you play a musical instrument?

Chaucer's Bitch said...

and in a couple hours i'm leaving for the weekend. i'd like to know who you are before i go, because GSE's not the only one getting slightly creeped out.

Anonymous said...

Damn, I gotta quit reading quickly. Doesn't work out well for me.

Sorry, first met in summer '93 before you started as a frosh at LCHS, last saw each other around summer '99. Last talked beginning of 2000.

Yes to the musical instrument.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

wow. you have really got me stumped, anon. the timing and the musical instrument suggest someone from the band, but i honestly can't think of anyone i kept in touch with for a few years after lumen and have subsequently lost track of.
Edwina I knew long before 93
ditto Missy
Ralph doesn't play an instrument (i don't think), and I'm fairly certain we've seen each other since then. (There was that play about Matthew Shepherd, and that was after 2000...)
Joe Buckles, maybe? nah, we didn't meet until after school started, not over the summer.

Mate, you have really done my head in. I give up.

Reveal yourself to the Jedi!

FirstNations said...

*smacking fist into hand*

do it FAST.
also creeped out.

Henry North London said...

for goodness sakes just get a counter and sign up and the IP addresses of everyone that visits you will be displayed. You need never be puzzled by anonymous persons anymore.

GreatSheElephant said...

I don't get this, anonymous. If you lost touch with someone i.e. CB you genuinely like and want to be back in touch with, why not just email her and tell her your name instead of all this creepy game playing?

Joins FN in fist smacking.

Rimshot said...

You guys have no appreciation for mystery. And the virtual fist smacking by a bunch of broads is more humor (without the extraneous 'U') than intimidation.

Let the poor soul enjoy his or her 15 minutes in the spotlight for Pete's sake.

Frobisher said...

The dear died????

Is nobody bothered about the deer?

FirstNations said...

screw the deer. I hit the deer.
with my fist.

no revelation, i see.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

see, the reason i'm not quite as creeped out as you lot is that the chances of anonymous being on the same land mass as me right now are pretty fucking slim. so i don't have anything to fear in terms of internet stalking.

still, Anonymous, the masses are clamoring. And FN, in particular, is married to a very scary man. You'd better give them what they want. :)

GreatSheElephant said...

I've got very scary cats. and a vulture

homo escapeons said...

Clarice, it's Jack Crawford at the FBI's Behavioral Science Unit in Quantico, Virginia.

Try and keep him on the line...
we are tracing the call..
Johnson anything?
We have it narrowed down to...
He hung up.
Johnson..did you get it?
He knew exactly how long he could stay on before we found him. I'm sending a unit over right now.

Henry North London said...

Hes not posting anymore

Ach I suppose its one of those gremlins in the machine... Never mind

Lorna said...

Wow - I go away for a few weeks, and all kinds of mysterious stuff happens. Let's split up and look fro clues, Scoob!

Chaucer's Bitch said...

GSE: i like the fact that your cats are scarier than the vulture! so true.

homoE: thanks. just, thanks. I feel SOOOO much better now.

HNL: he might come back, you never know. i'm just glad there's an ocean of water between me and whoever-it-is.

Lorna: wanna come over and help me with this whole tracking the IP address from my site counter? i don't know how. i'll make you crumpets!

Michael said...

What? I read all the way down and we don't get to know? Blarg!

Michael said...

Stupid anonymous.