Thursday, November 08, 2007


So one weekend earlier this fall (I forgot to blog it at the time, but it's worth telling), Pirate and I were driving down a country road in his new/old 1973 AM Vantage. It was a beautiful, clear day; great day for a run in The Big Car.

I was dressed up, wearing a purple dress with longish (mid-calf) A-line skirt with buttons all down the front, proper stockings, and heels. (This is important to the punchline, I swear.)

I was sitting in the bucket seat to Pirate's left, my right leg crossed over my left at the knee. (There's a lot of leg-room in that car. me likes.)

We hit a stretch of open road, and with no traffic in sight, Pirate put the boot down. That car moves. It doesn't strain, it just responds. I felt myself pressed backwards into the seat from the acceleration. As the car thrust forward the hem of my skirt, which had been just resting at the top of my right knee, was also pulled backwards toward the seat, causing it to slide up my leg and reveal my thigh and the top of my stocking.

Pirate, upon seeing that the acceleration of the car was responsible for uncovering the smooth, firm, muscled flesh of my thigh, declared proudly: "I am such a man."


Henry North London said...

Sounds as if he is as old as the car

Sorry that was a bit acidic...

I can't afford to run a fast car anymore

Time was I had a 3 litre v6 engine and now I have a 1.3 litre 3 cylinder engine

Anyway The bigger the car the smaller the ......

You know how it goes as they say

Chaucer's Bitch said...

HenryNL: 'ello, and welcome to M.E.! glad you could join us. as for the Big Car, it only gets run every fortnight or so. He's got a nice, practical little Skoda for daily use. and that old saying about the bigger the car...? yeah, SO not true. ;-p

Rimshot said...

Well...didja 'park' and enjoy the fruits of the AM's labor?

And what was the occasion for getting all gussied up?

Henry North London said...

I know its not true....

Lol It has been fun reading your last two blog posts.... You seem to have the same acerbic humour that I have

Chaucer's Bitch said...

Rimmy: the occasion was the Goodwood Revival. (Google it, I can't do links.)

Henry: cheers. Do stick around, we have a good giggle now and again. When I'm not moaning about dying. Which i still am. Hence posting about stuff that happened yonks ago, because I've spent the week in bed moaning.

that came out wrong.

Henry North London said...

Dying from a chest infection That was me last year darling Green dark green sputum and third line antibiotics to get rid of it or I would be dead.

Thank the lord ( whoever he/she/it might be) for my GP who will prescribe me any drug I care to mention if I have a good enough reason.

PS have put a link up to your blog from my main blog the eponymous Henry North London

My other blog about dying and living (yes even I have two) is in which I ramble about my mental state since being bullied at work and having a complete and utter nervous breakdown despite being a bloody psychiatrist. Now there's irony for you. Fucking employer an NHS trust to boot couldn't even fucking save me from a workplace bully or two and ended up screwing me over so I'm now on incapacity benefit and blogging.

Am I bitter? No because I intend to sue the arse off them and live off the proceeds for the next fifty plus years and you can imagine how much I want from them. Sorry I ramble from time to time. Nothing like anger and bitterness to stimulate text input.

Rimshot said...

I'll take your non-answer to the 'parking' (I understand the Brits call it 'dogging') as a YES.

Meanwhile, so has everything been questioned, then? No more deep, philosophical queries?

Miss Melville said...


Aww, pirate-manliness is affirmed! :)

Chaucer's Bitch said...

HNL: i feel your pain. when i'm older (and therefore more entitled, because let's face it, there's nothing more insufferable than someone who's not yet 30 writing an autobiography) i'm going to title the story of my life "Help, Help! The Irony's Killing Me!" and there's going to be a little cartoon on the front of a small green creature strangling me by the neck. (I'm hereby copywriting this idea. if any of you wankers steal it i will hunt you down and destroy you piece by miserable piece. thank you.)

thanks for the linky-link. if i ever decide to overcome my apparently terminal case of Lazy Arsedness i'll return the favor. you seem like my kind of people.

Rimmy: I confirm nothing. I deny nothing. I have nothing further to say on this matter. There is no matter. What was the question?

My brain has, of late, been too full of sludge to philosophize ponderously. Mostly I've been having ranting, knee-jerk reactions to fucking religious idiots who piss me off, like the crazy Jehovah's Witness who gave birth to twins then refused a blood transfusion that would have saved her life. What the FUCK kind of religion thinks it's a better idea to leave two newborn children with no mother than to undergo a SIMPLE, ROUTING medical procedure!??? That's not justice, it's not justified, it's insanity. And then there's fucking Mitt Romney, who declared it was better for a child to have a dead straight parent than two gay ones. I expect he'd support the batshit JW woman aforementioned. And don't get me started on all the asshats in the US House o' Reps who voted against a civil-rights bill that would have made it a Federal crime to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. They maintain that to infringe upon their right to discriminate is to infringe up on their right to religious freedom. So they want to be able to legally discriminate against certain people on the grounds of their religion. Doesn't sound like the Land of the Free to me. Sounds more like Saudi Fucking Arabia.

But that's not really what Q.E. is all about, so I've been keeping my mouth shut. Thank you for opening the floodgates. :-D

MM: indeed. actually, i believe the full quote was originally "I am such a MAN. Woof! Woof!" Just doesn't have the same ring tho, y'know?

FirstNations said...

...and now you know Austin Martins dirty little secret.

welcome to the reckless world of high-speed kicks and dangerous curves!

oo, i feel all 'Kitten With A Whip' now.

Rimshot said...

(sheepishly) Feel better soon! *runs for cover*