Friday, November 16, 2007

Movie Review: Elizabeth: The Contrived Sequel

Off Pirating. Will post on monday a provocative discussion of the obligations of childcare. Or Tuesday. We'll see.

Oh, saw "Elizabeth: The Golden Age" tonight. Good film as a film. Had nothing whatsoever to do with history. Portrayed Elizabeth as an Elightenment thinker. *snort* Will also have feminists up in arms about blatant suggestion that even the strongest woman in the land needs a good, strong, male shoulder to cry on for comfort and every woman secretly yearns for the domestic life. *gag* That said, Kate Blanchett kicks ass, and Samatha Morton was FABULOUS as Mary Queen of Scots. Geoffrey Rush fell a bit flat, which is a shame as I usually adore him, but the extreme hotness of Clive Owen made up for it. OMG the tights. And boots. Oh yes.
The cinematography was at times amazing, at times so ott i laughed out loud. Ditto the costuming. In her famous speech to the troops at Tilbury they had her decked out is this metallic thing that made her look like a cross between Joan of Arc and a Star Trek alien (original series, when all the alien chicks were hawt). Actually, what it really reminded me of was the scene at the end of Dogma where Alanis Morissette is God and walks out of the church in the armor-plated tutu. You know that scene? Yeah. They even kept the hair. I was wetting myself.

There was a bit too much gore for me, but I know I'm more bothered by that than most people. I had to cover my ears because I can't stand the sound of horses screaming.
Conclusion: worth watching if you want to be entertained, but not if you want to learn anything about history.
Rating: 4 1/4 tortured Papists.


Dave said...

I've not seen the film, but the famous speech to the troops that I remember ('bowels of an Englishman') took place at Tilbury fort, not in Cornwall.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

ah yes, of course. i knew that. got my wires crossed. thanks for correcting me.

ZB said...

And you're a bloody medievalist!

Movie Review: Elizabeth: The Contrived Sequel

No? Really? You reckon?

homo escapeons said...

It certainly wasn't as good as the First because it didn't have the Godfather 2 ending wherein they tie up all of the loose ends in one fell swoop (by killing everyone!) and it certainly didn't adhere to historical events but whatever...
the costumes, the scenery, Blanchett is bloody marvelous.

If you eschew violence on the big screen that eliminates about 90% of modern movies...that would make it a lot easier to pick a flick.

You honestly didn't enjoy seeing them torture those conniving, treacherous, sonofabitch, papist, bastards? That was awesome!

FirstNations said...

i'm here; i really am here, i swear i am here. it's a long story why i haven't been here, but i AM here.

i'll be skipping this. it makes my Biker sigh and roll his eyes when I shout at the television.

meanwhile i come late to the game with this listening suggestion: CSNY. beautiful, unnaffected mens voices, intricate harmonies, understandable words and hummable tunes.

now i must go worship the adorable cuteness and evil which radiates from your new HAMMY.

Billy said...

I've been to Tilbury Fort.

red said...

I went to see this last night and was really disappointed. I remember liking the first one. I agree Clive Owen was very handome but a bit too proud of his new teeth though.

Glad you managed to enjoy it, and it's very nice to have found your blog.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

zb: geeze, soooooooo-rrrry! clearly it was unreasonable of me to expect a balance of history and fiction in my historical fiction!

homo: i do like an ending with lots of bodies on the stage (Hamlet is awesome!), but i draw the line at realistic-looking flaps of bloody skin hanging off people. that's just grosss! (and i really cannot cope with the sound of screaming horses. gives me nightmares for weeks.)

FN: there you are! thanks for the sugges... shit, hang on. the hamster is lighting candles and saying incantations. brb...

...tion. what does csny stand for? sounds like a new tv show made up of the casts of csi and nypd blue.

billy: cool. where is it?

red: hi! welcome to ME. i gotta disagree with you on the teeth. i thought they were great. i never though C.O. was hot before. (But then, i'm very into teeth and mouths. i don't notice people's eyes; just their mouths.)

I, like the view said...

I'm worried about dave, he didn't post yesterday

ziggi said...

you mean ???? sniff that isn't how it really happened????

Henry North London said...

I love Dogma Where'd you get the picture?...

ZB said...

zb: geeze, soooooooo-rrrry! clearly it was unreasonable of me to expect a balance of history and fiction in my historical fiction!

You've never read Patrick O'Brian have you? Considering your man's profession that's an abrogation of duty that should see the black hood and the dead man's march playing toot sweet.