Saturday, February 09, 2008

Why I'm going insane

Last night I received a 4 page document from my parents. It was a giant list of questions about the wedding. 4 pages. single spaced. Here is a sample of the questions contained therein:

  • Where will [bridesmaid from Scotland] stay? When will she arrive?
  • When and how will you collect your dress from the dressmaker? [the dressmaker is half a block from where I live.]
  • When will the rehearsal be held? How long will it last? Where will we go to eat afterwards? How will we get there?
  • What is [Best Man’s] availability? Who will ensure that he gets to where he needs to be, when he needs to be there and dressed as he needs to be? [He's an adult for Christ's sake! Do you want me to wipe his ass for him, too?!]
  • What symbol will you put on the place cards to indicate to the serving staff what meal people have ordered? [I'm not kidding. The wedding is more than 7 months away and they are already worried about the fucking place cards.]
  • Who will be your Trail BOSS, someone who will ride herd on and coordinate all the activities for the day? Let wedding party and guests know when and where to be, insuring guests get in from the airport in good order. Insures everything goes as planned. THIS is a tough role. [Sister in law] did it using an excel spreadsheet and minute to minute planning to help but still had glitches.
  • Where will you dress for the wedding? At the hotel? At the church? How many hours ahead of time should dressing begin? If dressing at the hotel, how will you get to the church? Walking will be very risky. [it's across the street.] In whose car? Will a cab work for such a short fare
  • Pirate won’t arrive until the day of the wedding. Where will he go? He shouldn’t see you in your dress before the ceremony. Could he dress and groom in his parents' room at the hotel? How and when does he go to the church? Who sees to it? [are you fucking kidding me? He gets himself to the church. By walking! He's not a fucking child!!!]
And it goes on. and on. Can you see why I'm going nuts?!?!? These people are out of their minds. They are micromanaging me into insanity.


GreatSheElephant said...

aww - they just want to be involved because they are so far away.

Can you invent something small, insignificant and fiendishly complex for them to micromanage for you and tell them the rest is in hand?

The only thing I would agree about is that bridesmaids etc who are not very familiar with the city you are marrying in may need a little guidance, handholding. Never underestimate the fact that bridesmaids are doing you a massive favour and NOT the other way round.

Hannah said...


helena said...

I'm inclined to agree with GSE on this one re your parent's being so far away and wanting to be involved.

The points on the list are all things which would normally be dealt with/answered as they cropped up, but because you are so far away you get them in a long list which is somewhat overwhelming.

Got to admit that I agree with them re the risk of walking to the church - no matter how short the walk, it would only take one puddle to ruin the dress!

Michael said...

Wow, suddenly this whole "legally and constitutionally barred from marriage in my state of residence" doesn't seem so bad.

Best of luck, darling!

Miss Melville said...

haha... this rings so of your mother, it's not even funny. I think her obsessive worrying over this also comes from the ShakesFest being a complete and total mess, so you've got transferred anxiety on top of her normal level of wedding anxiety. Sorry.

All of these things are normal little worries, it seems to me, it's just the volume that overwhelms. Call me sometime. :)

Dave said...

My daughter is getting married in November. Can i have a copy of that list, so that as a concerned parent I can send it to her?

(Only joking.)

red said...

Jesus Christ. No wonder you're going mad. This list embodies the reasons why I will never ever get married. Yikes. Poor you.

FirstNations said...

GSE nailed it. what she said!

Homer said...

Hmm. And to think I've spent all today feeling fiendishly envious of a newly-engaged friend.

It may be time to take up serious drinking.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

yeah, i know they want to be involved. that's why i've spent 2 HOURS EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS on the phone with my mother. The amount of work i HAVEN'T done on my Phd because of the insane phone calls is staggering.

whoops, there's another one...

(hours later)

...ok i'm back.

i tried the whole "give mom a project" so she can feel involved. we're having a second reception in America next Christmas, and I told mom she could do whatever she wanted with that. It hasn't helped.

CompuNerd said...


I can't say it enough. I went through this eight years ago when my wife and I got married. It doesn't get any better the closer you get. Compared to a month out, this is nothing.

To this day, we wish we would have done that compared to the wedding, and our wedding wasn't close to the size of the one you are looking at. At one point it was going to be but because of both sides causing issues(actually, it was more the wifes mom than mine) we jumped up the date and did it with very few people there. Still, even though ours was small, it would have been easier to fly to Vegas and get married by Elvis.

Geosomin said...

Wow...all I could think of as I read this was "obsess much?"
I mean you are adults. Wow.
I'm starting to lean towards suggesting Elvis myself...

llewtrah said...

Jeez, maybe you should divorce your parents so they can't hijack your wedding. It's your day fer crissakes, not theirs.

My parents very wisely didn't interfere when kid sis got hitched. Dad arranged a nice Rolls Royce for kid sis when she thought dad would be taking her to the venue, but apart from that my parents only offered things when asked.