Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Not another rowing post

or, Living in My Body Again

I'm just beginning to realize/accept that my back will never be the same again. I will, for the rest of my life, have to make small adjustments to my lifestyle. That said, it's not so bad.

Of all the things I love most about rowing, it's the feeling of really loving living in my body that gives me the biggest high. I feel comfortable inside myself. Not in a vain "oh don't i look great" kind of way, but in that way you felt as a kid, when you ran around and jumped off things and climbed things and didn't actually think about your body. You just did what you wanted and expected your body to keep up, and 999 times out of a1000 it did.

That's what rowing does to me, and that's just how i'm starting to feel again for the first time since my injury. My body is beginning to feel like mine again. I tell it to do something, and it does it. The constant fear of pain and injury is starting to dissipate. It's not gone completely, i still hesitate when I do things like put my pants on in the morning (if you've ever had a lower back injury with sciatic pain you know that bending over to put your knickers on and lifting one foot off the floor is one of the most impossible small tasks and usually comes with a side order of searing agony), but by and large I am just going about my life. In my body, which I can almost stop thinking about.

It's nice.

7 comments:

Geosomin said...

Hooray for pants I say!

I know what you mean. Nothing like a bout of ubersickness to make yo appreciate how good it feels to be normal. :)

FirstNations said...

Do you know how proud I am of you? You never quit, you never took shit off anyone, and look at you; back rowing again on YOUR TERMS and feeling better in the bargain. I am not only proud of you, I'm impressed.
You are awesome, CB.

Gordie said...

Cool. Go CB

Sal said...

go ceebs, go!

Dave said...

It doesn't seem to have interfered with your cricket-playing ability, thankfully.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

Aww, thanks guys!

xoxoxox

llewtrah said...

I used to do 20+ mile charity walks and cycled doble that without really thinking about it. Having worked with badly designed hospital equipment I damaged my lower back. A couple of years later, I was in a car smash and ended up back in physio. Sometimes I am in pain after only a mile (though wearing a heavy rucksack to pull my spine into alignment while walking helps). My limitation on walking truly sucks so I know how you feel.