Monday, January 12, 2009

Back at "GO"

Today is my 30th birthday.

30 is one of those landmark birthdays where you sit back and look at your life as it is and compare with where you thought you'd be at this point. Let's take a look, shall we?

A. Where I thought I'd be:
Happily married, at home with my Pirate, having some people to dinner to celebrate.

B. Where I actually am:
At my parents' home in the USA, back where I started, feeling old and wondering when I'll see my Pirate again.

Now before you panic let me assure you this has nothing to do with any kind of marital issues. Pirate and I are still madly in love and horny as hell and all that gross newlywed stuff. The problem is immigration issues. I'm stuck here, waiting on my spousal visa, without which I cannot return to the UK. They said it could be as long as 10 weeks.

My aunt knows the Honorary British Consulate for the Detroit area, who is a very nice man and is trying to push things along for me and shorten that 10 week estimate. Meanwhile the Pirates-in-Law have contacted their MP to push things along from that side. With any luck if they both push hard enough they'll meet somewhere in the middle and I can get the fuck out of here.

So here I sit, in my parents' house, feeling old, wondering how I ended up back here again. I feel rather like I've been playing a board game, and drew a bum card or landed on a crappy square that sent me back to "GO" while everyone else is playing on, now half a board ahead of me.

Oh yeah, and I gained 6 pounds over the holidays. 2009 is off to a great start.


Henry North London said...


You mean you have to leave and then come back if you get married

What stupid official thought that one up?

10 days without a loved one is bad

10 weeks is comfort food territory

plus I hear it is freezing in the USA at present

PS if youve got some spare time would you please add me to your blogroll and Happy Birthday I'll be 39 this year (dont go there)

Mrs. Chaucer's Pirate said...

In order to apply for the visa i have to submit "biometri data," ie fingerprints. These can only be taken at the Dept of Homeland Paranoia. Then I send the data in, along with my application AND MY PASSPORT to the British Consulate, who then spend the next 10 weeks doing massive background checks on me. And since they've got my passport, I'm stuck. Motherfuckers.

ps. Henry: done. Hey, it's the least I can do for a loyal accolyte.

Donn Coppens said...

First of all Happy Birthday.

30 is a milestone and I distinctly recall feeling a little uncomfortable when I got there...
when I hit 50 I thought 30 was nuthin'...but so much happened in those 20 years that involved the shift from me to we, and that is what makes them so special.

As for the Fugee thingamabob that is whack! Let us hope that the wheels get greased and this matter is expedited in your favour. Sounds like the beginning of a novel...

Homeland Security pffft..oops there goes an electronic signal now I'm being reviewed..Hold on a second, there's someone at the do.....

Mr Murph said...

OMG! Get this sorted Mrs Pirate!
Good wishes!

Henry North London said...

Thank you darling

Dept of Homeland Paranoia

You got that one down to a T

The patriot act is to make sure you do as you are told or you'll be fucked over,

Paranoia More like totalitarian state.... McCarthy etc

Wandering Wynie said...

When you get back to the UK, whenever that is, there is a certain delectable morsel of spongy goodness (replete with frosting!) who is going to take you out and show you a fab time for your birthday Missy! Then there'll be none of this "feeling like you're back at the start" business- 2009 will be a great year!

Oh and who doesn't gain pounds over Crimbo? I'm also festively plump and loving my (slightly) bigger boobs!

pleite said...

Happy Birthday and sorry to hear of your woes. Yep, being part of a bi-national couple is a bloody pain in the arse when the bureaucrats get to play with your fate. Still, you'll have it behind you soon enough. Hope it's as quick as possible.

helena said...

Happy Birthday CB!! I'm sure that the visa stuff will get sorted quick. Jgirl (who had to sort it out for her husband) told me that the trick is to bug the hell out of them...

Maybe you can now have two birthday? One on your actual birthday day and then another one on the date you touch down in the UK?

Mr Farty said...

Happy birthday, CB! Sorry to hear you're stuck on the wrong side of the Pond. Try lots of phone calls to the Pirate. And chocolate.

Gordie said...

Happy birthday, honeybun. Her Majesty's loyal subjects are missing you frightfully.

Mrs. Chaucer's Pirate said...

Donn: you slay me. that's the first comment that's actually made me laugh out loud in yonks.

Murph: workin on it.

Hank NL: Ding-dong the Bush is dead! Well, done, at any rate. Thank fuck for that.

WW: what in god's name is that thing in your avatar???

pliete: ta

H: the problem is, there's no one to bug. it is not physically possible to speak with an actual human being at the british consulate. not by phone, not by email. there are NO public contact details of any sort. hopefully the pirates-in-law will have some luck with their MP.

Farty: re chocolate. excellent idea, old bean, absolutely spiffing. tally-ho, what what!

Gordie: it's mutual.

Timorous Beastie said...

A Welsh colleague of mine got married to Japanese woman and said that her spousal visa cost 500 quid!! Is this true? Can such robbery be right?

Timorous Beastie said...

Oops, wanted to add, hang in there. And vent your frustration by blogging with lots of ripe swearwords. And happy birthday!

Valerie said...

Well POO I'd be miserable too if I was separated from my sweetie. Dang. You have my sympathies and you have permission to whine until visa is dispensed!

I hope this is the low point of your entire year and it just gets better from here.

Sorry it's not a very happy birthday, but happy birth YEAR instead.

Mrs. Chaucer's Pirate said...

TB: $850, which translates to a little less than 500 quid. Motherfucking cunt-faced douchebags. (Ripe enough fer ya?)

Val: Poo indeed. I shall not only wine until the visa is dispenses, i shall gin and vodka as well.

Dave said...

Yes. 30 is very, very old. It's all downhill from there.

Geosomin said...

30 is where it all gets switch over from odd to eccentric and interesting. And people actually give what you say a bit of respect.

Hope the VISA bullshit goes thru quickly and simply. That's too long for them to keep you away from the Pirate.

Annie said...

Awww... never mind, I hope it gets sorted quickly. Happy Birthday! Welcome to the thirties, they are great! More self-confidence, less giving a shit about other people's opinions (in a good way.) And us ladeez are at our zenith, so they say...

Mrs. Chaucer's Pirate said...

Dave: the way i see it, that's a good thing. everyone likes going downhills -- skiiers, cyclists, etc. downhill is fun, it's easy, it takes less effort. if you were to say everything is uphill from here, that would be depressing!

Geo: really? now that i'm old people will listen to me? that's kinda cool!

Annie: actually, i've never cared what people thought about me. in high school it meant i had no friends whatsoever. have i reached a point where that attitude is now cool???

Mrs. Chaucer's Pirate said...

ps. you guys are AWESOME. i didn't post anything for 2 weeks, and the very first day i do there were, like, a gazillion comments in a matter of house. y'all are the shiznit.

Mrs. Chaucer's Pirate said...

ps. you guys are AWESOME. i didn't post anything for 2 weeks, and the very first day i do there were, like, a gazillion comments in a matter of house. y'all are the shiznit.

Henry North London said...

As of 12 January 2009, US authorities require all non-immigrant passengers from countries that fall under the Visa Waiver Programme to obtain additional approval to enter the United States. This authorization can be applied for easily through the Electronic System for Travel Authorization (ESTA).

I see the department of Homeland paranoia is getting even more paranoid

Honestly doesnt your government have anything better to do?

The Pixy Princess said...

Happy 30th CB! Its not the best situation, but at least you're with SOME family. Visas and governments and paperwork concerned with the government is all crap and my Christmas wish every year is "Peace on Earth, and may you not have to deal with government - at any level"

Good to have you back!